Not A Normal Freshman

So I know it's normal for freshmen to not have a car on campus.  Many colleges don't even allow students to have cars their first year.  I don't have one.  That's the problem.

I've been getting homesick...a lot.  There are some times when I think "oh, I'll make it here all four years."  A lot of the time I just want to go home.

This week I needed a ride somewhere for a volunteer opportunity.  I had to find a ride.  At home if I need to ask a friend for a ride or a parent, it isn't that big of a deal.  But I don't know people as well here yet.  I don't know at what point I need to offer gas money.  I don't know if I can ask to borrow someone's car (especially since I just got into a car accident.  I actually am a good driver.). 

There are certain things I need a car for around here.  It takes two hours to get to the nearest mall by bus.  Driving is 20 minutes.  It takes an hour to get to the movie theater.  I have to do volunteering at some point for my major at the local schools.  The bus doesn't go anywhere near there.  I didn't bring my bike for fear of it being stolen.  My dad doesn't want to drive all the way out here to pick me up for weekends.  So I have to either take the bus home or find a ride.

I hate relying on other people.  So, so much.  I don't like asking new friends for favors like rides, even if I know that they aren't doing anything much instead.

The thought of not having a car leaves me panicky.  One of the ways I would calm myself was going on a drive and checking out the area I lived in.  Not eco-friendly, but it helped me to escape.  I have a new place to explore and no way to conveniently explore it.  I want a job.  What I can reach by bus and walking is limited.  Unless I want an hour ride.

When I miss home, I want to be able to know that I can go home whenever I want.  But...I can't.

I'm trying to give myself a year to get used to this school.  I'm almost a halfway through one semester, and I wonder if I can do it.