Beginning of NaNoWriMo/End of Halloween

Since I sort of changed my mind, I'm not sure what I'm writing for NaNoWriMo. I'm gonna dive in.

Halloween was great, but my costume sort of fell apart on me.

It's about to start!

"Art is not a sin. It's not always good. But it is not a sin. Never."

-Bel Canto by Ann Patchett

I'm changing what I'm writing about for NaNoWriMo. Sort of. While this was happening in my life, I always said it was like a chick flick or something.

I sort of accidentally revisited this experience, or set of experiences, and I think I can distance myself enough to write it. We'll see, not won't we?

I just don't want to fall in love again.

Toga

Man, making a toga is a little harder than it looks. At least making on that doesn't look like a bodysuit made of diapers. So, I get to brush up on my sewing skills!

Complaints on a Teacher

I don't complain about my teachers very often. In general, I quite enjoy school and my teachers.

But there has been an incident.

I spent the last twenty minutes of 4th Block debating with Volansky in front of the whole class about the alternate answer to a question. Did I want to debate? No. Did I really care about getting an extra point on my test? No. I was tired, and I asked why it couldn't be A, and I swear she spent several minutes in some type of circular logic about the thing. I not sure really, I was half asleep by the end of it.

Safe to say...Volansky can shove that explanation up her ass. You don't have to make me look stupid in front of everyone! And leave Emaline alone, bitch! She always looks that inquizitive, it's not her fault!

Ugh. No me gusta la profesa de AP Lang.

I'm pretty sure Sam taught me more about writing today with her NaNoWriMo lecture than Volansky has all semester. I'm not sure if it's her crazyness or attempt to sound intellectual in front of the AP students, but she has a tendency to make no sense. It's just like...she tells us to do something, and expects it at a certain quality, but I don't recall much teaching from her.

I Love Me Some Facebook. (The people on it, that is)

Okay, so be warned, this is a comment about Facebook. Defending it.

But, it is NOT about YOU getting one. That'll happen in its own due time.

You want to know why so many people have a Facebook? It's not about Facebook. It's about connecting with other people.

There's games on there, they're fun. I like to compete against certain people, or give them frivlous virtual gifts, like purple hay bales or grenade launchers.

I can see so and so's pictures from homecoming, and get to see the guy from Northville she went with (and wants to date).

I can find out that my ex got into his dream college and congratulate him.

When I talk about Facebook, I'm normally talking about the people on it, or something they posted.

Yeah, I could do all those things other places, but why do that when I can simply do it all in one place? And it's fun.

It's a bloody brilliant idea. Granted, it IS easy to get addicted to.

But without it, I'd probably have lost a lot of the friends I have and never get to see. (Like the ones that live in Japan, Chicago, Farmington, down the block)

Hmm...maybe I'll make this into a post...it's certainly long enough. Okay, I will.

Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater

So, I think I'm going to cheat.

I've cheated before, it doesn't really bug me. Well, except my first grade spelling test. I totally knew how to spell the bonus word!

Having no morals is fun, I'm telling you.

That's why I might start NaNoWriMo sooner.

Why?

Because I'm into it right now, and if I wait to long, I'll want to quit. I may make my word count higher to make up for it.

But, I'm pretty sure I'm going to begin writing this weekend instead. I'm cheating, yes. So what?

So About NaNoWriMo

I have a rough idea of what I'm going to write. It's probably going to sound like a million other stories.

They always say to write about what you know. So, I'm basically writing about a teenage girl and a boy she meets. Because hey, that's what I know. And I'm a sucker for love stories. But...it might not turn into one, I haven't decided.

I'm thinking...boy meets girl. Boy and girl become friends. Boy (an atheist) makes girl (relatively religious Christian) rethink her beliefs and religion and why she practices it.

And then it goes one way or the other. Personally, I think I want to go with girl and boy get into one huge fight about it and don't talk for years.

Of course, they happen to meet again later in college. By this time, girl has either reconfirmed her beliefs or gone agnostic/atheist.

Perhaps they become friends. Perhaps one finally sees the other's view.

I'm not sure. I basically just planned the story.

And I'm hoping that this might help me settle my own big question. Not "Why Europe?" or "Why China?" But "What the Hell do I Believe in?"

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On a side note, I'm psyched for missing the first two hours of school Thursday. Sleeping in and breakfast! Although, poor Nate has a 5:30AM swim practice. Have fun with that!

NanoWriMo

So I'm going to give this NanoWriMo a shot. I won't have field hockey, so I'll have some time. Not much, but some.

I just want to see if I can actually do this.

College List

Well, I promised myself I'd make a list. It's going here as a reminder to myself as to why I bother with trying hard.

-U of M
-Vandy
-Northwestern
-U of Penn
-Penn State
-Loyola
-Cornell
-Brown

On a side note, Regina Spektor is doing a great job at calming me right now.

Outside the cars are beeping out a song just in your honor.
And although they do not know it,
all mankind are now your brothers.
And thus the cathedral had spoken, wishing well to all the sinners.
And with a sigh grew silent.
-Human of the Year

Uh...Um?

I think I've made a decision.

I'm not going to school anymore. I'm going to drop out and become a hobo and ride the rails and carry my belongings in a burlap sack. What? What did you say? It's not the 1930s anymore? Oh, you're right.

Can I just sleep for a couple years instead? No? Well how can I become less motivated? How to I get rid of my expectations for myself? How do I become this so-called "average" I've yet to witness at my school?

What? You mean I'm stuck this way?

Well what if I become pregnant and drop out? I'd still go to college? I would...oh no.

How do I become apathetic, Inner Michelle? You don't know?

Damn. School is tough.

Originally, it was once a week. There were three weeks. Easy enough, but forbid there be a forth.

But this time is different. Time refrains from being easily definable this this. You can't divide up the unknown, can you? Oh woe.

I Think I've Found my Rebellious Streak & Presents

Basically, I've found that breaking the rules is really fun. Not majorly breaking. Just risking a grounding or something. It's probably as rebellious as I'm going to get. Having people over when I'm not supposed to, skipping AP Lang homework, I'm just crazy! (mostly I'm just getting past my "I love homework" phase and back into being lazy.)

Oh, and I've been thinking about Christmas lately. I love the holidays, aside from my stupid relative (who will not be named). Nate and I were talking presents yesterday. Let's just say he knows more about duct tape that I ever will. But unfortunately, his birthday and Christmas are two weeks apart. Stupid proximity makes things confusing. (i.e., do I get one big present or two? etc.) Oh, and some people will be requiring birthday presents soon. I love present shopping. Yay!

Suspended Animation

I like my life, I do. I like my hometown, my family, my friends. But lately I've been feeling like I'm stuck in suspended animation and everything is in slow-mo. But it's not really. It's basically impossible to be in suspended animation and survive.

But I've been restless, and I just kinda want to skip ahead to college. Maybe my mom's annoying me more than normal, maybe it's the whole new found freedom thing with my license. But I want more freedom.

I've even looked at graduating early. Unfortunately, I can't graduate a year early, but a semester is possible.

But I think I need these two years still. I don't want them all that much right now, but I need them to prepare me for the outside world, to make big decisions about who I am and who I want to be.

I feel like I'm in suspended animation. But being animated will be good for me, like vitamins.

Questioning

In AP Lang we talked about a child's natural desire to learn, and whether school fosters it or crushes it. Personally, I suppose it depends on the child.

Me? Well...nothing can crush my curiosity.

My mother is nosy. And surprise surprise, so am I.

I have a curiosity of other people, myself, how we relate to each other in the world. I don't necessarily want to know about carbon polymers or factoring trinomials. I want to be the neighborhood busybody.

So if I ever ask a question that makes you feel uncomfortable, or is just weird, kindly (emphasis on kindly) tell me to shut up, and then move on with the conversation.

Thank you, that is all.

Work

Earlier today I was accused by my wonderful father of having no work ethic. I'm a sheltered suburban kid, of course my work ethic isn't going to be great in regards to physical labor and paying off a mortage or anything like that. I've never known what it feels like to be truly starving except on an unfortunate misadventure in Cozumel, and that hardly counts (12 hours people, not all that tragic.) I'm lucky, I know that. And on my better days with God, I thank Him.

But that's not the point.

I am privileged, I've never had to worry about losing the house or my brother being shot by a rival gang.

But don't you dare tell me I don't have a work ethic. Yeah, it's not physical labor or risking my life, or even working at McDonald's. But academically, I am capable of working my ass off, thank you very much.

No one put the ambitions in my head but me. And don't you dare try to tell me I can't work hard. Lazy is living off welfare when you can work and settling for poverty. Lazy is graduating with all Ds because you never tried (not due to low intelligence.) Lazy is sitting on your butt and watching your kids go hungry.

I have it easy. I'm not fighting the odds. Statistics say that since both my parents went to college, there's a good chance I'll graduate too. I'm not doomed to a life of poverty or trying to save myself.

But that doesn't mean that I don't try and help myself. I'm not coasting here. Some of it is luck, some environmental factors, but at the end of the day, it's me making myself actually do it.

When I'm still up way past midnight getting this make up work done, I hope I remember this. I have a work ethic, at least I think I do. I just need to prove it to myself.

Psht. Homecoming

Somehow I manage to always build things up in my head, and then the real experience never measures up to it.

This one was pretty damn good. I liked the football game too. I never like the football game! The after party was probably the best part. Maybe the after after party too. Except the stupid music. Miley Cyrus, twice!

I danced, I laughed, I ate, I was awkward, I posed for pictures, I took pictures, etc.

Then today I managed to walk six miles on five hours of sleep. I'm proud of myself. Oh, and did I mention that I have pneumonia? I won't be at school for a little bit. I missing the trial in Euro too!