Best Friend

My history with best friends is complicated.  My preschool wasn't even in my hometown, so I can't claim that I went to preschool with anyone that I know now.  In elementary school, I didn't really have one.  My friends were mostly who were in my classes and my Girl Scout troop.  But I wouldn't necessarily stay close to one girl for a long time.

But Natsuki moved here from Japan in third grade.  She was my next door neighbor.  I figured since we lived next door, we'd have to be best friends.  In the books, kids best friends always lived across the street or next door.  I read a lot of books, possibly why I lacked in the best friend area.

Originally, the problem was that she didn't speak English.  But we got through the language barrier quick enough and I suppose to some extent became best friends.  Through the years until she moved when we were in seventh grade, we called ourselves best friends, but I don't know exactly if we were until maybe seventh.

Those were the years that I went through my initial dealings with depression and I wasn't exactly a nice person. (Psh, like I am now.)

But we also got close to the girls that I currently call my best friends.  Bridget, Alyssa, and Dayna.  The five of us all lived in the same sub and had known each other since elementary.  Throughout the remainder of middle school and all of high school, I have called these girls my best friends.  There have been additions to the group, but they never lasted that long.  It was just the four of us.

We aren't the most alike, but we know each others' histories.  I can really tell them everything.  It was when my behavior got out of control that I finally went into therapy for depression.  I got help because I was driving them away by being a bitch.

But it can be difficult being best friends with people so different than you.  We've always been busy with different activities and it can be difficult to see each other.  College has made it harder.

It's times like this when I question the label of a "best friend."  They aren't necessarily the first person whom I turn to anymore with my college issues.  Nor do they know every aspect of my life anymore.

I love them to death.  I trust them so much.  But the reality is, how much have our differences and distance from each other affected our friendship?  Is "best friend" just a term that gets used too much, like "I love you"?

Waiting

All this week, I've been impaitent with waiting for something. Something that I've realized may or not actually happen. And I don't think I care anymore. Because I've decided to stop waiting.

Last year, I spent months counting down, impatiently waiting. What happened was worth the wait. But the biggest thing I regret is spending my life like that. To be so focused on the future, instead of enjoying the present makes you miss a lot of stuff. I'm not sure how much I enjoyed my life as a whole, because I was so concentrated on one thing.

This semester was meant to be a break for me before two torturous years of APs. And it was wonderful. Because it hasn't just been a break so far. I like my life right now. I'm enjoying my classes, better relationships with my friends, more time for myself. I'm not waiting anymore. The school year has morphed from a flat tire to the gasoline that keeps me going.

I'm the happiest I've been in a long time. Annoyingly happy to some people.

All I have to say: you leave me alone, because I don't want you anymore. You're annoying as hell.