It's a half-win. I'm sorry. But...I signed up for the wrong NaNoWriMo...kinda. So, I won on one, got halfway on the other. I'm sorry. My fault. But hey, there's next year right?

I don't know why I'm doing this. I don't know why I'm doing this, but I'm going to do it. I'll win NaNoWriMo one way or another. Without cheating. I promise.

Living in the Past/Present/Future.

I don't like pretending something never happened. Yes, sometimes means I live in the past too much. But, you can't ignore it. I'm not saying bring it up all the time. But don't deny it, especially if it wasn't horrible.

My Family is Cheating

Thanksgiving is normally a stressful time for my family, particularly my mother. It involves a lot of cooking and cleaning. It entails yelling (all of us) and whining (from me and my brother). It's not all that pleasant.

This year, we're cheating. The house is still clean from a massive overhall we did of of basement a couple weeks ago. The main source of the dinner isn't being cooked by us. It happens to be a pretty good deal to get it catered this year. So, very little work for me this year, except making Better than Sex Cake. Funny name, right? Well, I didn't name it I can tell you that.

I'm cheating at the holidays this year. I wonder if it'll make a difference.

What I'm Thankful For

As we all know, Thanksgiving is coming up. And, because I don't normally do this, especially not at Thanksgiving dinner, I've decided to count my (many) blessings.

The Little Things:

• Chocolate
• The Internet: how else would I keep in touch with my friends, blog, harvest crops, etc?
• Books: They keep me (semi) sane. My true love.
• Cooking
• Field Hockey
• Dance
  

The Big Things:

• My mom and dad, extremely understanding, rather lenient parents
  
• My brother (sometimes)
• Bridget, Alyssa, Dayna and Nathan.
  
• Financial security and a home.
• My summer camp
• Religion (occasionally)
• Creativity
• Oh, and finally [DATA EXPUNGED]
  

The Biggest Thing:
Love <3

I'm Too Little to Understand

I'm looking back at my life. It's been so full that I can't comprehend how decades more could fit. On one of my suicidal tangents the other day, I came up with a reason for suicide:

I can't comprehend how my life could spread out to greater things. I feel like my life has been...indescribable so far.

But since the tangent has passed, I'm trying to look at this more objectively. I'd had so many experiences, tried to not be so sheltered, and there is so much that is unknown to me. I'm sixteen. I believe the life expectancy for an American woman is like 78 years. Assuming I live that long, what's going to fill those next six decades?

I don't know. I'm too young to understand. It better be as exciting, tragic, magical, exhilaterating and clueless as my past sixteen.

It's 11:11, make a wish. Here's to the unknown that I can't wait to live.

Disclaimer: This Might Get a Little Corny

I went to the talent show at school, just like every other year (well, the past two, but who's counting?).

And every year I cringe at some acts and whoop tirelessly at others. This year, I tried to make an effort to pay attention, even to the somewhat boring stuff. And believe it or not, nothing was all that boring.

The sound system hurt my ears a little, sometimes I couldn't understand what the emcees were saying.

But it was pretty awesome anyways. There's all these cool people at my school. Ones that I want to meet, ones I wonder how the hell they became so talented.

I love the diversity, the uniqueness each student brings. I feel a sort of nationalism for my school. (Connection to Present)

My Imperfections

So I have a hard time getting over things. I'm oversensitive, and my self esteem levels are extremely variant. I don't take criticism well, even well-intended advice. I find myself uncomfortable in many social settings. I'm self absorbed.

These are what I consider my greatest imperfections.

I attribute them to an rather horrendous incident that happened in 5th grade.

It triggered the suicidal thoughts beginning in 6th, and the only true hate I have for anyone.

I'm so sorry I've let it affect me this much. It puts a damper on my naturally happy demeanor far too often, and frankly, I'm sick of it.

So to you, who ruined my life that year, I forgive you. I know it can't happen again, and nothing makes me happier.

But I'm moving on. You'll have the rest of your life to deal with that mess in your head. I get the rest of my life to live free of it.

I win.

Hi

Dear Blogest,
It's been a while, hasn't it? I've been dating NaNoWriMo instead of you. I hope you don't mind, we did agree to an open relationship, that I may come and go as I please. Just hold on to your fond memories until November is over. Then, we'll consider getting back together, okay?
Love,
Luna

My family is crazy. My brother has the flu (not swine), my mother has become a clean freak, and my father seems to have the personality of a five year old. I'm glad to know my life is normal.

The Bet

So, I'm having trouble thinking of a good bet. Bet results, that is.

This weekend is my six month anniversary with Nathan, but it is also the weekend he decided we should make a bet.

Therefore, I am naming it the Anniversary Bet. Creative huh? I may add epic to the title, considering the last real bet I participated in (and lost was during freshman year, and truly epic).

But I need help. What should I make him do when I win? Because I refuse to lose. (Ahh. poetry!)

Yes, I'm behind

I'm behind in NaNoWriMo. I have no excuses really. I'll do better, I promise. It took me a while to know where I wanted to go with my story, now I believe I know. I better write a damn lot this weekend.

Mix Up Mash Up, Prayers.

Hrm. I want to blog about something. I'm just not exactly sure what.

So it's funny how things work, how people turn out to know your friend who goes to a different school, or be the long lost cousin of your neighbor.

I like coincidences they're fun, they're making my life interesting right now.

So I'm going to make this year better than ever. Each year seems to bring some better things for me.

So here's a wish: may every year surpass my expectations of it. May I grow from the terrible, survive the horrible, and smile in spite of it all. I'm praying for strength, something I seem to be lacking lately.

"Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly far, far away. Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly far, far away. Dear God..."

Reckless

I don't do many stupid things in my life on purpose. But of course I did last night.

It was good to act reckless. It wasn't as reckless as I felt like. If I did that, I'd probably be in a hospital right now. Or a morgue.

I guess holidays just bring out my more stupid, suicidal tendencies. And just bring general emotionless after (right now).

But anyways, I have an essay to write.