- I just experimented with brownies. They look yummy. Let's hope I can feed them all to my brother.
- I feel oddly nervous for the new semester. And I have only two new classes.
- Life is good again.
- However, my brain has not recovered from Culver yet. I've read two trashy books since we got home last night.
- I wonder if Westboro is even going to come. I'm not sure about a counter protest. I'm concerned some crazy teenagers are going to make it seem violent or trouble-making instead of the peaceful counter-protest it should be. Thanks ATAB, for having the guts to start it.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Bullets
Friday, January 29, 2010
I Don't Know Anything
Lately, life is really...yucky. I fail at studying for finals, and I probably didn't do so great because of it. I keep snapping at people. Apparently I'm being a huge bitch lately. I'm not surprised, honestly. Problems in my life tend to spread to all parts of my life.
I'm brain-dead, and feeling yucky. I'm so not in shape to play six hours (eight hours?) of quiz bowl. And then spend ten on a bus.
Looks like I'm not too optimistic lately. As someone smart once said...life sucks.
I'm brain-dead, and feeling yucky. I'm so not in shape to play six hours (eight hours?) of quiz bowl. And then spend ten on a bus.
Looks like I'm not too optimistic lately. As someone smart once said...life sucks.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Help! You Know I Need Somebody....
I've felt a lot of feelings. But I've never quite felt this helpless before. In my life, there's very little that I feel that I can't affect some way. But how do I change someone else's thoughts? That's not part of my life, yet it affects me.
As much as I want to write off this helplessness as PMS, it can't be.
I can't change that I didn't have enough time on my precalculus final. I can't change that I feel like my relationship is falling apart. I can't change that I'm busy and Nate's busy and robotics is everyday, and it's all a big mess right now.
I don't do boy problems. I hate drama. I'm dating the most drama-free boy I know. And because of it, it's dramatic. He won't speak his mind, so he doesn't talk at all! I mean, he talks but it isn't about anything important. How do you fix something that's not yours to change?
As much as I want to write off this helplessness as PMS, it can't be.
I can't change that I didn't have enough time on my precalculus final. I can't change that I feel like my relationship is falling apart. I can't change that I'm busy and Nate's busy and robotics is everyday, and it's all a big mess right now.
I don't do boy problems. I hate drama. I'm dating the most drama-free boy I know. And because of it, it's dramatic. He won't speak his mind, so he doesn't talk at all! I mean, he talks but it isn't about anything important. How do you fix something that's not yours to change?
Monday, January 25, 2010
We'll See...
I hate when my dad won't give me a definite answer. He knows what he's going to say, but just in case he changes his mind at the last minute, he wants to have that option. And it's always semi-important stuff.
How am I supposed to plan to visit my friend when I'm in Chicago if I don't know if I can? The same thing happened last year, and it was a mess...
So how will this turn out? As well as studying for finals is going.
We'll see...
How am I supposed to plan to visit my friend when I'm in Chicago if I don't know if I can? The same thing happened last year, and it was a mess...
So how will this turn out? As well as studying for finals is going.
We'll see...
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Something's Changed
When used to get really depressed, I was suicidal. Something changed yesterday. I got really depressed, but suicide never crossed my mind. That must mean I'm finally getting better. It's nice to know. Being alive is fun!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
For Those of You Who Read Samantha's Blog...
She blogged about a site sort of like PostSecret a couple weeks ago. The difference is that you submit a secret and the blogger makes a picture depicting the secret. Well, I have a secret published. Halfways anyways. It might be mine. I can't remember exactly what I said, so I'm like 80% sure its mine.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Instead of during homework, I thought I'd share one of my favorite vloggers. He's gay, 20 (21?), and fucking hilarious. He also happens to go to MSU. Meaning that we have one mutual friend on Facebook. Yay! But here's a bit more insightful video of Tyler Oakley's.
Click here. Since Blogger won't let me stick the YouTube video on this post.
Click here. Since Blogger won't let me stick the YouTube video on this post.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Self Improvement
I feel like I've been on a bit of a self-improvement trip lately. The sleeping and eating better, the AP Lang grades (well, I've been trying anyways), the having better relationships thing. I just feel better lately (not to mention my pants fit better). A big one: I've been trying to be more grateful.
I spent this past week, this past year, possibly most of my teen-aged years listening to people complain. Don't get me wrong, I do complain a lot, but it's...different.
Mostly I'm sick of hearing people complain about time. They're bored, or something is taking too much time, or they don't have enough time.
A week is a week, people. You've lived through hundreds of them already, it's not that hard! Instead of counting the hours to the next break, stop and appreciate your weekdays. Whether it be the possibility of a snow day or eating lunch with your friends everyday, there are good things about going to school. Focusing on the good can help outweigh the bad.
I know there are bad weeks, months, and years. But it isn't that hard to change things, or at least wait out the storm.
When people complain about how long until the weekend-don't join in. You're lucky enough to be going to school every day, knowing where your next meal comes from, and not having to worry about being bombed.
I am so sick of hearing the ungratefulness. People, you only have so much time to live-go do something with it!
I spent this past week, this past year, possibly most of my teen-aged years listening to people complain. Don't get me wrong, I do complain a lot, but it's...different.
Mostly I'm sick of hearing people complain about time. They're bored, or something is taking too much time, or they don't have enough time.
A week is a week, people. You've lived through hundreds of them already, it's not that hard! Instead of counting the hours to the next break, stop and appreciate your weekdays. Whether it be the possibility of a snow day or eating lunch with your friends everyday, there are good things about going to school. Focusing on the good can help outweigh the bad.
I know there are bad weeks, months, and years. But it isn't that hard to change things, or at least wait out the storm.
When people complain about how long until the weekend-don't join in. You're lucky enough to be going to school every day, knowing where your next meal comes from, and not having to worry about being bombed.
I am so sick of hearing the ungratefulness. People, you only have so much time to live-go do something with it!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Porn Essay
So I thought I'd share this. It's not the best thing I've ever written by far, but it's certainly an interesting topic. Enjoy!
Porn. One word, but I bet I caused a reaction from you, didn’t I? Known for featuring women with over inflated breasts perform seemly impossible things with men who are well endowed, to say the least, pornography depicts a fantasyland for some viewers, a realm of possibilities for others. Such graphic, explicit images evoke all sorts of feelings, from disgust to sexual pleasure. A long standing generalization is that all men enjoy such sexual images. Contrary to this, not all men indulge in pornography, and some women enjoy it.
Recent headlines have been declaring “All Men Have Seen Porn” because of an attempted study by the University of Montreal. Coordinators tried to find men who had never seen pornography before for their experiments, and had no luck (Porn). Publications, the scientists, and people alike were quick to assume that is meant that all men had been exposed to explicit images and films. A Danish study found otherwise. It reported that many of their male participants used pornography or had been exposed to it; however, “all” was never used (Hald). Another survey found that 98% of German men are interested in porn, leaving a two percent gap (Levitin). Undeniably, the majority of men do enjoy porn or have experienced it in some form. But not all have, especially younger teens. There are boys that have not touched porn, either for lack of interest, or lack of opportunity, like for instance, Ace Rosenburg* who simply doesn’t care enough to bother. “I’d rather play video games or go on Facebook,” he states. As Ace becomes a man, he may reevaluate his choice. But as of right now, he, along with other men and boys, choose to ignore it.
The stereotype goes that all men like porn; it mentions nothing about women. There are, however, women who enjoy pornography. Trying to change up his sex life, Pete*, tried to encourage his girlfriend, Ruth * to try out adult films, thinking that it would be fun for them to watch together. To his surprise, she quickly agreed. Ruth had watched porn for years; Pete just never had any idea. Women simply use porn more privately than men, not even telling their significant other. Perhaps the idea of announcing to the world that they have a sex drive is not as appealing to females and males. Men are more likely to watch porn with their friends than women are, a Danish survey discovered (Hald). The same study found that approximately 48% of Danish women ages 18-30 used pornography at least monthly. Society, even in countries more open about pornography use, like Denmark, still seems to retain a double standard in regards to porn. Men can use porn, but women’s use of it is uncommon, or not talked about.
Why do women use porn so much less than men? The answer lies in the films. The balloon breasts, the bleached long hair is not for the woman’s pleasure. “Women have reported feeling disgusted, annoyed, repulsed, and generally not turned on by porn made for” men (Fulbright). The porn market targets males’ desire for sex. Not the emotions, or the back-story, or even the possibility of it being plausible. The very graphic nature of the movies is what draws the male viewer in. Ultimately, porn was designed to entrap men and addict them, getting them to return time and time again (Kastleman). Generally, women do not seem to enjoy the direct focus on copulation that men do. Of course, there are exceptions. But Dr. Fulbright, a sex educator, contends that women often prefer more romanticized versions of porn, stories they can picture fitting into their own lives. The female body reacts just like the male one does to hardcore pornography (Flam). However, the female mind does not react like a male’s mind. This difference in reaction to porn could be why so many more males utilize explicit images than females.
Ultimately, porn use is not decided just by gender. Women and men alike watch pornography for sexual gratification. There are also people of both genders who are disgusted by it. Gender is an affecting factor, as men and women are aroused differently, but so is the individual. Each woman, each man, is unique in their sexual fantasies and how they fulfill them. Ultimately, pornography use is a choice, influenced by gender, but not determined by it.
Porn. One word, but I bet I caused a reaction from you, didn’t I? Known for featuring women with over inflated breasts perform seemly impossible things with men who are well endowed, to say the least, pornography depicts a fantasyland for some viewers, a realm of possibilities for others. Such graphic, explicit images evoke all sorts of feelings, from disgust to sexual pleasure. A long standing generalization is that all men enjoy such sexual images. Contrary to this, not all men indulge in pornography, and some women enjoy it.
Recent headlines have been declaring “All Men Have Seen Porn” because of an attempted study by the University of Montreal. Coordinators tried to find men who had never seen pornography before for their experiments, and had no luck (Porn). Publications, the scientists, and people alike were quick to assume that is meant that all men had been exposed to explicit images and films. A Danish study found otherwise. It reported that many of their male participants used pornography or had been exposed to it; however, “all” was never used (Hald). Another survey found that 98% of German men are interested in porn, leaving a two percent gap (Levitin). Undeniably, the majority of men do enjoy porn or have experienced it in some form. But not all have, especially younger teens. There are boys that have not touched porn, either for lack of interest, or lack of opportunity, like for instance, Ace Rosenburg* who simply doesn’t care enough to bother. “I’d rather play video games or go on Facebook,” he states. As Ace becomes a man, he may reevaluate his choice. But as of right now, he, along with other men and boys, choose to ignore it.
The stereotype goes that all men like porn; it mentions nothing about women. There are, however, women who enjoy pornography. Trying to change up his sex life, Pete*, tried to encourage his girlfriend, Ruth * to try out adult films, thinking that it would be fun for them to watch together. To his surprise, she quickly agreed. Ruth had watched porn for years; Pete just never had any idea. Women simply use porn more privately than men, not even telling their significant other. Perhaps the idea of announcing to the world that they have a sex drive is not as appealing to females and males. Men are more likely to watch porn with their friends than women are, a Danish survey discovered (Hald). The same study found that approximately 48% of Danish women ages 18-30 used pornography at least monthly. Society, even in countries more open about pornography use, like Denmark, still seems to retain a double standard in regards to porn. Men can use porn, but women’s use of it is uncommon, or not talked about.
Why do women use porn so much less than men? The answer lies in the films. The balloon breasts, the bleached long hair is not for the woman’s pleasure. “Women have reported feeling disgusted, annoyed, repulsed, and generally not turned on by porn made for” men (Fulbright). The porn market targets males’ desire for sex. Not the emotions, or the back-story, or even the possibility of it being plausible. The very graphic nature of the movies is what draws the male viewer in. Ultimately, porn was designed to entrap men and addict them, getting them to return time and time again (Kastleman). Generally, women do not seem to enjoy the direct focus on copulation that men do. Of course, there are exceptions. But Dr. Fulbright, a sex educator, contends that women often prefer more romanticized versions of porn, stories they can picture fitting into their own lives. The female body reacts just like the male one does to hardcore pornography (Flam). However, the female mind does not react like a male’s mind. This difference in reaction to porn could be why so many more males utilize explicit images than females.
Ultimately, porn use is not decided just by gender. Women and men alike watch pornography for sexual gratification. There are also people of both genders who are disgusted by it. Gender is an affecting factor, as men and women are aroused differently, but so is the individual. Each woman, each man, is unique in their sexual fantasies and how they fulfill them. Ultimately, pornography use is a choice, influenced by gender, but not determined by it.
*Names have been changed to protect them from the taunts of peers.
"Porn study fails to find smut virgins." NineMSN NineMSN, 3 Dec. 2009. Web. 13 Dec. 2009.
Hald, Gert Martin. "Gender Differences in Pornography Consumption among Young Heterosexual Danish Adults." Archives of Sexual Behavior. 35.5 (2006): 577-85.
Levitin, Michael. "Internet porn is changing German sex lives." Telegraph.co.uk Telegraph Media Group Limited 2009, 22 Sept. 2008. Web. 15 Dec. 2009.
Fulbright, Yvonne. "Porn Isn't Just for Men Anymore." FoxNews.com N.p., 9 Nov. 2009. Web. 6 Jan. 2010.
Kastleman, Mark. "How Explicit Web Marketers Target Men vs. Women." Net Nanny Content Watch, 2009. Web. 6 Jan. 2010.
Flam, Faye. "Woman may respond to porn, but not in a way that counts." The Seattle Times The Seattle Times Company, 26 Nov. 2006. Web. 6 Jan. 2010.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Liar Liar
I lie on Omegle/places where I'm talking to strangers on the Internet.
Here's a list of things I've done.
Here's a list of things I've done.
- Said I was British
- Pretended to speak French (I know very little French) with another American who spoke little French
- Possibly gotten a Chinese girl in trouble (it's a long story)
- Go along with perverts. For a second, then I leave.
- Said I was Canadian
- Found out that some people don't like Americans very much. I'm not surprised.
- Pretended to be Peter (I'm joking, but that would be fun)
- Traded random facts
- Only talked to people who said something other than "asl" or "hi" to start a conversation
- Pretended to be normal, then went on about flying monkeys
Sunday, January 10, 2010
It's Family and All That
Hi! How ya doin'?
For a long time, I wasn't quite sure where I stood with Nathan's family. I'm clearly higher ranking than a friend, and they invite me to family things that just friends wouldn't get invited to. But, clearly I'm not marrying the guy either. It's not an "oh, welcome to the family, meet your future in-laws" type of thing. After tonight, I've realized that I'm sort of the second daughter, who actually looks like Nathan's parents more that his sister does (she's adopted from Bolivia), but lives in a separate house and has her own family. I'm another member of the family-sometimes, temporarily I am.
Tonight was fun. I went with Nate's family to a sort of Georgia Tech alumnus dinner and Pistons game. I spent more time talking to Danielle, Nathan's sister, than him. It's nice to be friends with her. Ah, how easy to please middle schoolers.
And I got to meet some former Georgia Tech b-ball players (currently in the NBA). Too bad I've never heard of them. That probably doesn't count as meeting celebrities then.
But I had fun with his family, and strangers, and for me that's quite a big step. I'm not really concerned about making a good impression anymore. I talked so much with Danielle that my personality came out, the positive and the negative. It's kinda nice to know that I can be myself!
Anyways, I'm gonna watch some Greek, then Gilmore Girls.
Good Night and Good Luck!
For a long time, I wasn't quite sure where I stood with Nathan's family. I'm clearly higher ranking than a friend, and they invite me to family things that just friends wouldn't get invited to. But, clearly I'm not marrying the guy either. It's not an "oh, welcome to the family, meet your future in-laws" type of thing. After tonight, I've realized that I'm sort of the second daughter, who actually looks like Nathan's parents more that his sister does (she's adopted from Bolivia), but lives in a separate house and has her own family. I'm another member of the family-sometimes, temporarily I am.
Tonight was fun. I went with Nate's family to a sort of Georgia Tech alumnus dinner and Pistons game. I spent more time talking to Danielle, Nathan's sister, than him. It's nice to be friends with her. Ah, how easy to please middle schoolers.
And I got to meet some former Georgia Tech b-ball players (currently in the NBA). Too bad I've never heard of them. That probably doesn't count as meeting celebrities then.
But I had fun with his family, and strangers, and for me that's quite a big step. I'm not really concerned about making a good impression anymore. I talked so much with Danielle that my personality came out, the positive and the negative. It's kinda nice to know that I can be myself!
Anyways, I'm gonna watch some Greek, then Gilmore Girls.
Good Night and Good Luck!
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