In my darkest hours, I have always needed you.
But no longer.
I didn't write this for you. I wrote it for me.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
I blog more when I'm depressed. I bitch at people more. It's the bitchy thing that made me go to a therapist in the first place. I was hurting my best friends.
Now it's back. My depression seems to be back with a vengeance, and I seem to be okay getting lost in it again. I'm getting bored, restless, tired. I want to do something reckless.
Something dangerous.
I keep having visions of driving too fast. Of drinking to forget.
I keep seeing "dark" things in poetry. Terrifying things.
Maybe one day I won't feel so depraved. I won't automatically reach to the darkest corners of human existence.
Maybe one day I won't see little children locked in coffins so they don't escape.
One day.
Now it's back. My depression seems to be back with a vengeance, and I seem to be okay getting lost in it again. I'm getting bored, restless, tired. I want to do something reckless.
Something dangerous.
I keep having visions of driving too fast. Of drinking to forget.
I keep seeing "dark" things in poetry. Terrifying things.
Maybe one day I won't feel so depraved. I won't automatically reach to the darkest corners of human existence.
Maybe one day I won't see little children locked in coffins so they don't escape.
One day.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
For Valentine's Day
I'm going to be single on Valentine's Day. Who cares? I love the sentiment behind the day anyways. <3
The Dog Days Are Over...The Dog Days Are Done....
I feel fabulous. Not quite as fabulous as Kurt, but perhaps Mercedes, which is a close second.
I like deciding that I'm making life choices.
I like even more when I'm deciding to follow through with them.
I like getting money from colleges.
In the past two days, I have received scholarships and admissions from two schools, and was deferred from another. The deferral, of course, was from the one I thought I really wanted to go to. But the scholarships give me some options. And I'm sort of excited.
At this time next year, I could live in Greencastle, Allendale, Lincoln Park/Chicago, or Pittsburgh. I'll hear back from Ann Arbor in April. But right now, it looks like Lincoln Park or Allendale (I'm refusing to consider U of M until I actually hear news from them one way or another).
But I'm excited! I'm definitely going to a college next year! And it might be out of state, squee!
As much as I love high school, this is going to be my least favorite spring semesters. All the others were better. So, just let me skip to graduation, okay?
Wait...do I want to be a college student yet? I turn 18 in less than a month. Good Lord, I'm scared to grow up.
I like deciding that I'm making life choices.
I like even more when I'm deciding to follow through with them.
I like getting money from colleges.
In the past two days, I have received scholarships and admissions from two schools, and was deferred from another. The deferral, of course, was from the one I thought I really wanted to go to. But the scholarships give me some options. And I'm sort of excited.
At this time next year, I could live in Greencastle, Allendale, Lincoln Park/Chicago, or Pittsburgh. I'll hear back from Ann Arbor in April. But right now, it looks like Lincoln Park or Allendale (I'm refusing to consider U of M until I actually hear news from them one way or another).
But I'm excited! I'm definitely going to a college next year! And it might be out of state, squee!
As much as I love high school, this is going to be my least favorite spring semesters. All the others were better. So, just let me skip to graduation, okay?
Wait...do I want to be a college student yet? I turn 18 in less than a month. Good Lord, I'm scared to grow up.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
So...Hi?
I feel like blogging. I've felt like blogging lately. Oh, oops! My spellcheck is still on Spanish.
There, fixed.
So I changed some things recently. And it feels really good. I just want to stick with the changes, I think. Oh, and a new semester started. It's...like a tank top! It's pretty okay. I just wish I could finish off high school with my best friends actually in my lunch. Or, me in theirs. Since everyone has A Lunch, dammit!
I've had a lot of time lately. I've been quiz bowless for a little while now. Mostly, I've been watching TV, tracking points, and trying to plan out my wardrobe for college. Productive, eh?
I'm happy, most of the time. I mean, my depression's my depression. It only happens sometimes, less when I actually sleep. So I've been focusing on getting sleep done. It's such a crazy cool concept. And I love it. But I just wish that I could actually get some homework done now and then. Because, aside from Sociology and Art, very little homework has actually been getting done. And quite frankly, the APs are a little bit more important. Well maybe not AP Lit, that's easy enough. But I miss AP EURO and AP LANG. And Mabel and Ms. Bryen and Volansky.
New teachers are boring. They're crabbyesque. And they just don't get me. (Plus my Soc teacher thinks I'm a skipper now. Maybe he'll fail me. That's be pathetic.)
Okay. I'm done. I'm going to try to tackle some homework so I'm not so dumb when my Stats test comes around on Friday. Well...bye.
There, fixed.
So I changed some things recently. And it feels really good. I just want to stick with the changes, I think. Oh, and a new semester started. It's...like a tank top! It's pretty okay. I just wish I could finish off high school with my best friends actually in my lunch. Or, me in theirs. Since everyone has A Lunch, dammit!
I've had a lot of time lately. I've been quiz bowless for a little while now. Mostly, I've been watching TV, tracking points, and trying to plan out my wardrobe for college. Productive, eh?
I'm happy, most of the time. I mean, my depression's my depression. It only happens sometimes, less when I actually sleep. So I've been focusing on getting sleep done. It's such a crazy cool concept. And I love it. But I just wish that I could actually get some homework done now and then. Because, aside from Sociology and Art, very little homework has actually been getting done. And quite frankly, the APs are a little bit more important. Well maybe not AP Lit, that's easy enough. But I miss AP EURO and AP LANG. And Mabel and Ms. Bryen and Volansky.
New teachers are boring. They're crabbyesque. And they just don't get me. (Plus my Soc teacher thinks I'm a skipper now. Maybe he'll fail me. That's be pathetic.)
Okay. I'm done. I'm going to try to tackle some homework so I'm not so dumb when my Stats test comes around on Friday. Well...bye.
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