Sometimes I just wish I could have every thought and experience in my brain that I wanted on paper. I wish I could plug a cord in my brain like they do in the Matrix, and just print it all out.
It terrifies the hell out of me that I could forget important things. I want to remember my first kiss, first attempts at blogging, my first...everything. I have so many ways of leaving a record for myself so I won't forget that it's a little nutso.
- I have saved emails from third grade, hell I still have the same email account from then!
- Ditto on IM logs
- I have thousands of pictures and videos taken
- I've gone through tons of notebooks
- I still have my doodles and sketches from years ago
I am so scared that I'll make the wrong decision about things. I've been getting all this crazy college mail, and I just...WHOA. There's many options of things I could study, schools, it's just so much. I have the option of going to college, when there's so many women in the world who can't read. it makes me proud. It also makes me proud how many colleges want me based on my PSAT scores. But it's so much pressure at the same time. I'm expected to do well on the ACT and the SAT so I can actually get into these schools. Ditto on a good GPA. How do I get a good GPA when I suck at math? Most teenagers have all this crazy pressure. But I really don't know what their experiences with it are. All I really know is that I'm terrified, horrified, and shaking in my riding boots.
Of course...there's this next one that's going to make me like a shallow bitch. But, maybe that's who I am. I'm scared of making the wrong decision with this boy thing. Actually...I think I know. I just...wow...thinking out loud here, I guess. I'm just going to put the question out there, even though no one will really know what I'm talking about. Nate or Josh?
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