A Realization

Today wasn't a bad day.  I got a little before noon, worked out, went to the doctor's, read a book, and baked cupcakes with Emaline.  A nice, normal summer day.  Without my brother, who is going to be gone the next three weeks.

However, something dawned on me.  We have a little over a month of summer left.  And with that comes all the summer work that I still need to do.  And...it's A LOT.

There's:

• QB work
• APUSH packets
• AP Lit reading
• Running and practices for field hockey
• My sketchbook for art
• My projects for art (at least three of them)
• the fact that my dad is getting surgery on Wednesday, so I'm going to be doing all his typing for him, since he'll only have one hand.

It just feels like SO MUCH.  And it's been hard to do a lot earlier.  I've been gone a couple weeks.  Ugh.

I'M STRESSING OUT!!!!

Different

I've met some cool people on my trip. No one life changing, but different. It's always fun for me to find out how other people live.

It gives me hope that there's more than the suburban life: college, work, marriage, two and a half kids and a trampoline in the back yard.

I don't know what I want in life. Instead of becoming a teacher/proff, I could become a rancher, a cowgirl, a ranger, I could travel to a different country to work for a summer, I could bike across a continent.

I like to hear about these different things people have done or want to do with their lives.

I like hearing some if the options.

If you could do anything with your life, what would it be?

So...I've Come Crawling Back

Somehow, I guess I miss blogging. Making mental notes of things that I would say blogging, but not actually type them out has been difficult. So, I'm back.

School's out. And I feel similar to what Emaline said. Or I think what she said. I was in school just a couple days ago. But I'm determined to make this one of my favorite summers. It's the first one that I can drive, and therefore, I'm automatically busier. It's awesome. But I do have QB stuff to do at some point. Ugh.

I actually have a lot of summer stuff to do. Read books for Lit, keep a sketchbook/do projects for Studio, and read some stuff for APUSH. I may be crazy for taking APUSH, but I am.

Despite some crazy shit bouncing around in my personal life (which, of course, most of the world knows about), I feel good. It's summer. I'm headed to Yellowstone. And I have a bag of brand new art supplies calling my name

Lessons Learned, Opposite Feelings

This summer was supposed to be my last summer at camp. It was always going to be the streaky faced goodbyes and emptiness.

But I've never felt so full. I had a camp experience free of drama and boy troubles. I have memories and pictures and friends. It was my perfect ending, but it also made me realize that I'd be welcome to come back as staff next year.

I learned that I can draw people again. I have my fitness and my klutziness back. I feel much more whole than before camp, I guess it's because camp is a place where I've been bad and I've been good. Some old qualities are falling back into place.

I fell out of love at camp this year. I relearned myself without that boy and the ones before him.

Everything I thought was a big deal won't be in the long run. I have time to plan futures, travel the world, meet people. For right now, I have time to be myself. Not obsess about the future.

Be myself. <3

College is Going to Kill Me

I just recently got my ACT scores back. They're not as high as I wanted, but they could be much worse too. So I started looking at colleges I could get into with this score. And I'm a bit surprised as to what I could get into.

So then I decided to try to pare down college choices by looking at majors. Which is a whole different ballgame. And I ended up pretty much where I started. I think....that I am going into architecture. Which means that I'll be doing A LOT of math. Yuck. I'll get over that.

So this helped, because there aren't all that many colleges that have architecture schools.

But, all these choices, all these decisions, it's going to kill me. I obsess too much about it.

I've been losing sleep over it. I'll probably have a crazy breakdown from all the pressure I put myself through.

I really look forward to a great future. I know that I won't fall flat on my face. But if I want a great future, I feel all this pressure to figure it out now. And I'm not so sure I can make all the decisions I need to. I already messed myself up in math.

Maybe college won't kill me. But there's a chance the pressure will.