I Feel Content

It finally feels like senior year.  And I feel like myself.  My sophomore, junior self, minus some of the depression.  I feel pretty good right now.

Maybe it's because Thanksgiving is almost here and soon, Christmas.

Maybe it's because I'm excited about college.

But maybe?  I'm just happy.

I know where I want to be next year.  I'm happy about college.  I'm not stressing over the small things.  And I know at the very least that I have a great back up school.

Some little things have changed in my life.  I'm back to some old behaviors.  But old isn't always bad.  It's predictable, I know how I'll feel about things.  And I've accepted that whatever happens, will happen.

I have one foot in the old, one in the new.  How long before I get to do the splits?

(Oh, and I remember why I used to love HP now!!!  Fanfiction time.  Care to recommend any?)

A Realization

Today wasn't a bad day.  I got a little before noon, worked out, went to the doctor's, read a book, and baked cupcakes with Emaline.  A nice, normal summer day.  Without my brother, who is going to be gone the next three weeks.

However, something dawned on me.  We have a little over a month of summer left.  And with that comes all the summer work that I still need to do.  And...it's A LOT.

There's:

• QB work
• APUSH packets
• AP Lit reading
• Running and practices for field hockey
• My sketchbook for art
• My projects for art (at least three of them)
• the fact that my dad is getting surgery on Wednesday, so I'm going to be doing all his typing for him, since he'll only have one hand.

It just feels like SO MUCH.  And it's been hard to do a lot earlier.  I've been gone a couple weeks.  Ugh.

I'M STRESSING OUT!!!!

Summer's been busier, and more fun than I thought it'd be.  But I have all this QB and AP work to catch up on.  And hockey mileage to put in.  Oh, and planning for AugNo.  So much to do, and I'm on vacation instead...

I'm camping with someone who speaks Spanish.  Maybe I'll brush up on my skills (what skills?).

It's supposed to rain part of the week.

However, I get to go home at least a day early.

Oh, and this whole trip isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

No, Samantha, this is not a pre-set post.  As you can tell by my facebook, I have creepy access to internet all the time.

On a side note, I feel like playing sardines at IKEA.  And shopping.  I need office furniture, dammit. Too bad Mackinaw Island has no IKEA.  Shame.

Different

I've met some cool people on my trip. No one life changing, but different. It's always fun for me to find out how other people live.

It gives me hope that there's more than the suburban life: college, work, marriage, two and a half kids and a trampoline in the back yard.

I don't know what I want in life. Instead of becoming a teacher/proff, I could become a rancher, a cowgirl, a ranger, I could travel to a different country to work for a summer, I could bike across a continent.

I like to hear about these different things people have done or want to do with their lives.

I like hearing some if the options.

If you could do anything with your life, what would it be?

College is Going to Kill Me

I just recently got my ACT scores back. They're not as high as I wanted, but they could be much worse too. So I started looking at colleges I could get into with this score. And I'm a bit surprised as to what I could get into.

So then I decided to try to pare down college choices by looking at majors. Which is a whole different ballgame. And I ended up pretty much where I started. I think....that I am going into architecture. Which means that I'll be doing A LOT of math. Yuck. I'll get over that.

So this helped, because there aren't all that many colleges that have architecture schools.

But, all these choices, all these decisions, it's going to kill me. I obsess too much about it.

I've been losing sleep over it. I'll probably have a crazy breakdown from all the pressure I put myself through.

I really look forward to a great future. I know that I won't fall flat on my face. But if I want a great future, I feel all this pressure to figure it out now. And I'm not so sure I can make all the decisions I need to. I already messed myself up in math.

Maybe college won't kill me. But there's a chance the pressure will.

I'm Curious

I've been thinking about this maybe a whole thirty seconds, but I can't help wondering what it is like in other people's heads.

Yes, there are many people that speak their thoughts. But being in their heads would be different. Knowing their memories and emotions and why they are thinking the thoughts they are.

Of course, I won't necessarily ever be able to really know what it's like. Unless reincarnation is real, and then I guess I'd still be me. So that doesn't count. But I have a theory. Perhaps if you know someone well enough, or you find someone similar enough to your own mind, you will have a pretty good reason of understanding them. Or if you just find someone who talks a hell of a lot and you pay close enough attention.

I've come close to really knowing the mind of one other person, and still there is so much I do not know. And that I probably never will. But I hope that I know at least the most important things.

Details are important too of course, but knowing why someone chooses to eat peanut butter and pickle sandwiches over peanut butter and potato chip seems slightly less important than why they want to be able to travel to space or make up with their mother. But that's just my opinion.

This is my goal before I die. To understand at least some of the great minds around me.