Chicago

I get to go to Chicago for a couple days this spring break. A year ago, it would've made me the happiest girl in the world. But oh, oh how things change in a year. Now I have different reasons and motives for wanting to go. With some of the same old ones.

What it says to me most is that I'm just getting better at manipulating my parents, and man that makes me feel like a spoiled bitch after a while. My mom didn't want to go last year, she thinks there's nothing for her to do there. After my motives, my first thoughts about it are that she's nuts. It's Chicago! There's a ton of stuff to do. And she hasn't even been in years, how does she know? What's so great about the random cities that she goes to?

Well screw that. I'll make sure she has a good time if it kills me. I have a couple other times I'll have to go, so she might as well have some damn fun. I just wish my Grandma and uncle didn't have to be included. Sigh.

UMMA!!

UMMA= University of Michigan Museum of Art

So I went to the reopening of UMMA last night to the public. Since my aunt is the construction manager type thingie for U of M, I also got a tour of campus. And if there's anything that'll get me to keep my grades up, it's that. My goodness, I kinda love it there. There was a car with a tree scuplture on top of it. But that was just like a random thing. But it was really cool.

And I loved how all the stores and restaurants are intermixed with campus. Plus, I suppose I got to see/know a little more than most people about things, since my aunt kept talking about how some guy donated $7 million because he didn't like the lighting in a building and such. It's all really cool. The campus is such a mix of old and new buildings. Think like, old Ivy League buildings and modern glass structures everywhere. It's awesome.

And even the college students I liked. There was a diverse mixture, and they seem more mature. Well, some of them. And I'm glad to know the fraternities and sororities are kinda just in a certain area. Because...yuck.

To make my point, I'm in love with U of M. UMMA is pretty damn cool too. We made jewelry with all these 6 year olds, and watch hip hop dancing, and saw cool Buddhas. I think I'd like to go bad when there are less old people who think they are the next Picasso or whatever. Or at least less eighty year olds with tied dyed pink pants and fur coats...WHOA. Kinda scary.

But this is exactly why I have to tour some other colleges. So I know what I'm in love with most. I'll do that in Chicago.

I want it to rain

I want it to rain, I want it to pour.
I want to see spring instead of that whore.
Winter, you trashy beast
Don't come back
You aren't wanted anymore
We want spring and green
Moss and sheen
Shiny, puddle topped pavement
Give me mud-lots of it!
And rainbows too.
Let me wear dresses again
-I want a blue
Sky, lake, pond

Spring please come,
But stay a long, long while.
Because I have this ache
In my bones,
This fear in my heart,
Of what this summer brings.

Scavenger Hunts, Matrimony, and Hupix

Current State of the Union:

• Hupix: It isn't actually a real word, unless you ask Samantha, Emaline, or Andrea. And I'm sure a couple other people. But yes, I'm stupid enough to look it up. Why? Because after a while, I got suspicious of Samantha's smirks. Besides, when they all write it one their hands...are they starting a cult? or are they just obsessed? :P

• Matrimony: So today's lesson in CCD was about marriage. It was one lesson I actually enjoyed. Well, other than the part in Genesis where "you shall be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:28). That grossed everyone out. But really, there's a lot of married people that could put a little more effort in before they get divorced. Even in hard times (like the current economic crisis), people shouldn't just be giving up, at least not on their marriage. There are always going to be bad times, but those people seem to forget all the good ones too.

• Scavenger Hunts: I love scavenger hunts. The real ones, not the ones your history teacher makes you do to figure out your textbook at the beginning of the year. I want at least one time in my life for someone to set up on for me. Like a real, good one. Either that, or I'm gonna have to start geocaching. Which is quite awesome.

Psychological Pain

So I was watching some rerun of House, and it was all about "the power of the mind" and how sometimes you can convince yourself you feel pain when you really don't and vice versa. And I think that's true. Sometimes, like when you have a broken heart, and you think you have chest pain, it's just your psychological pain being felt physically.

I don't know why the brain does that, and I'm not so sure I care to look it up, since I kinda have my own ideas about it. Sometimes, I think that your brain just can't cope, or maybe it's just the only way it knows of expressing it. I mean, crying only does so much, right?

So meanwhile, I'm trying to trick myself out of my own migraine, and frankly, it isn't working. It's just making me feel worst. And my brother doesn't seem to be falling for it either when I tell him that his whining about his headache is making him feel worse. But I suppose he has an excuse of actually being sick...


So I've been doing a lot with Lawrence of Arabia for film, and I have to say, great movie! They really didn't take too much creative license with it. Although, the guy who plays the main character, T.E. Lawrence is "much prettier than the real one," according to the director. Not to mention the real one was only 5'6", and the actor is 6'3". I know height doesn't always make a difference, but sometimes, it just makes one look more powerful on screen.

Oooh!! And the camels! There were so many camels in that movie, it was amazing! I have new respect for the animals, they're actually quite graceful and awesome. I have a new thing I must do before I die-ride one! (Although many of the actors suffered from bruised butts and tailbones...)

Not to mention, it's definitely not a movie with women in it. There's not a single speaking woman role in the entire movie. The neo-feminist in me frowns upon that.

So I'm off to make some faces in my mind at some certain people, and pray a little. Let's hope my connection to God isn't out of service for once.

Decision Making

So I'm horrible at decisions, and I want some advice. Should I go to Stella's funeral, even though many of the people going were much closer to her than me? I'm not sure if I belong there, on the other hand I might feel bad if I don't go...AHHH

(If clueless about identity or Stella, scroll down)

And I have to make "baked goods" for a NHS bakesale. The stupidest part is that I don't really want to be part of NHS. But, since I'm afraid of Mrs. Clift, I'll do it, at least for the rest of the year. Muffins better count as baked goods.

Stella

Stella died. Since no one reading this knows who Stella is, I'll explain.

Every year I go to a wonderful, welcoming, amazing second home. Aka, summer camp. My summer camp, Cedar Lodge, is owned by a family, the Edwards. This morning, the matriarch passed on.

Stella is so unique, was, I suppose. Every year, she knew every campers' name, and she'd put forth the effort to spend time with all the staff and campers, even after she had a serious fall a couple years ago. I'd marvel how she still remembered my name the second summer after spending only a week there. She of all people did. When several campers and staff did not. Campers and staff that spent much more time with me than her.

Every Sunday, she was there welcoming the new and returning campers, farewelling the leaving ones.

Every Sunday that I arrived at camp for the past six years, she was a fixture there.

Every Sunday, she was the first face I saw welcoming me back.

Every Sunday I left I missed her.

I only have one grandparent left. Stella was some kind of close replacement for the ones I was missing.

I miss my summer camp, I miss my camp friends, I miss the staff. But all those people and things I'll see again. Stella I won't.

Goodbye Stella. Rest in peace.

Photoshop

CS4 Extended! Yay!!!!

My Obsessions

I'm an overthinker, an overanalyzer, whatever you want to call it. So I gain obsessions easily. Unfortunately, getting rid of them doesn't always come easily. But I want to list some out, just so I can figure out how crazy I am. Here's the Graveyard of Obsessions (with some zombies).

• Assorted songs:The particular one comes and goes, but normally it's all I listen to for a couple weeks
• Twilight:wasn't (almost)everyone?
• books:duh
• Chocolate:especially Ghiradelli Dark Chocolate Raspberry whatever...YUM!
• Falling in love
• Falling out of love
• Facebook
• Myspace:in seventh grade...mhm. Don't ask, it's just creepy now.
• Gilmore Girls: Yes, I aspire to be like television characters. Which partially leads me to my next obssession, since it started out as Rory's...
• Finding the perfect college:I want the perfect college. I must be crazy, but I like Novi most of the time, my school, my friends, my life. I want to make sure college is just as good, preferably better and without rah rah girls and football players
• Getting into perfect college:That's why I make a point to read all those promotional letters and emails.
• Fifth grade: This is the grade where several things when incorrigibly wrong. It's the root of the two year pattern, the depression, the college obsession. Screw Freud, I did my own psychoanalyzation.

I have a QB tournament tomorrow. It show be fun, and awesome and all that cool stuff. But I should probably go to bed so I don't pass out in the middle of it.

What Level of Creepiness Constitutes Actually Creepy?

So I'm thinking back today to some random mini-topic that came up during Quiz Bowl. Being creepy and cyber-stalking someone.

But what actually constitutes cyber stalking? Because occasionally I'll tell one of my friends (who is Facebookless), "yeah, I saw that on [insert name here]'s Facebook." And she'll always give me a weird look, and sometimes say something about it. Maybe I'm crazy, but I think stalking is a little more than just looking at someone's Facebook. Am I wrong here? Because if I am...so many people are guilty of stalking.

Sigh... la technologia hace la viva muy complicada a veces. Por que?

And even if that's stalking, is it really that creepy if everyone is doing it? Because regardless of what Samantha says, stalking (real, physical stalking) is creepy, no matter what the stalker looks like.

So what do you think? Are we all just creepers?

Cookies

• So I've been baking some cookies to take to Quiz Bowl. And I want to decorate them with icing so I can practice my (nonexistent) decorating skills. I've long given up on the whole personalitizing cookies for each person. Considering that I don't know who'll show up and sadly, there's a couple people I don't know their names, and...yeah. But I baked cookies with my mom, and had fun bonding. That never happens. We normally end up arguing.

• She gets to see Maya Angelou tonight, which makes me jealous...sigh.

• Question: If someone is born in Bora Bora, then moves to Mexico, then moves to the US, then back to Mexio, then finally to the US again, what nationality are they? Are you only the nationality of the country you're born in?

• I wanna see Emaline's haircut!
  

Of all the things I could be doing

I'm eavesdropping on my parents and uncle talking. And I can't get into the details because there's something about a relative that's a family secret and blah blah blah. I'm honestly surprised I haven't told anyone yet. I have the biggest mouth known to mankind. Unless there's Bigfoot's cousin out there somewhere, Bigmouth. Then, I guess I'd be second.



Anyway, I'm in love with this necklace I found that some beader made and posted it on a beading site. I just wish I knew how to do this. But, I'm learning. Beading, and cake decorating are my new hobbies.



Does anyone think it's ironic that a girl who's a self proclaimed feminist loves such domestic things like baking? Oh, and I shave my legs. I suppose I'm obeying what society demands of women and shit. Too bad I just don't want to look like my good ancestors the Neanderthals.

Belief, Religion, & All that Jazz!

So, this entry has been sparked by yet another argument with my mother about church.

I am not a fan of church.

I'm jealous of all those people that can be so crazy devoted to a religion. (Well, except the terrorist/Muslim extremist types)

I just sometimes wish I could believe this things without doubting everything and sleeping during Mass and such.

I mean I can't even remember to stay away from what I gave up for Lent! (unless I'm around awesome people that are remembering)

I think the worst part of all is teaching little kids about Catholicism, but then not believing most of it myself. I feel like such a fake. I'm so detached from it, I could be teaching them math. I think I believe more in Elizabeth I and Gloria Steinem than the Apostles and Saints.

I wish I had the devotion I had when I was in 6th grade, before I turned into a bratty, sarcastic teenager. Maybe, if that happened, I wouldn't want to convert to Judaism or go Buddhist.

Okay...so I was blog hopping and...

Here's some stuff that struck my fancy. You may not agree. I have weird taste. :P

Mhmmm...chandeliers. I love them. Plus, hey this is a cool angle.

It's so awesome and mysterious and misty. It's like a really cool picture of Culver with fog.

Books. Pretty colors. Perfection.

Jason Segal = Love
Plus the photographer that came up with this concept...

I'm BACK....with CAKE and CAPS LOCK

From the grave, to answer Andrea's question.

So, either I've been too busy or too lazy to blog lately (HINT: it's lazy) and so all these ideas have been bubbling up in my head. And I think I wanna write a story. Not necessarily like novel length, but something not like two pages long either. I'm just so sick of reading books and being "oh, this should totally happen!" And then it doesn't. Or I'll just get a totally great idea for a book. So this next part's in all caps. Because I'm cool like that.

I'M GONNA WRITE A STORY. BEING SICK FOR TWO WEEKS HAS GIVEN ME SOME GOOD IDEAS.

OH!!! AND I'M 16 AND TWO DAYS! YAY! OBVIOUSLY MY BIRTHDAY WAS TWO DAYS AGO, AND IT HAS EFFECTIVELY BANISHED MY DEPRESSION! (for now...dun dun dundun)

And, I've been beading a lot. I think I'm gonna make that my new hobby, jewelry making. Unfortunately, it may end up making me broke and with an excess of jewelry. And then all my friends will get jewelry (probably poorly) made by me. Well, they'll live. It's fun. AND PRETTY!

Oh, and I got a cake decorating kit. So I'm gonna be baking more. Hopefully not eating it though (I'm trying to be healthier). So, Quiz Bowlers, prepare yourself. I think making cookies would be easier. OH! With specially piped cookies for everyone with their names on them. That'd be damn cool. SWEET!

Well, now I'm either going to write a manifesto, or a love story. And you know it's the latter. Because I'm a sucker for that stuff. Oh, and it'll be a mystery. Like Stephanie Plum books. Cuz those are amazing.

so... check out the website for it. Sorry, it was random, but I felt a need to make a hyperlink. And be cool like Andrea with the bus one.

hmm...so I have creative endeavors to pursue! Yay! ¡Nos vamos!

Okay. So Not in Need of a Shrink

I think it was PMS. Or my generally nutty self. I don't know.

I still have some art to do. It's so wonderful and smudgy and charcoaly. But I'm a little afraid to finish. What if it doesn't turn out as great as it is in my head? It probably won't. But I love it, and I love just the getting messy. It's like fingerpainting. Only maybe a little more sophisticated.

Regardless, I'm pumped for Quiz Bowl tomorrow. I just hope I can sleep tonight. I always like Tuesdays and Thursdays for Quiz Bowl and seminar. But now I get to like Monday for once too. Now that's really awesome.

I think I was wrong...

Okay. I take it back. I do need that shrink.