College is Going to Kill Me

I just recently got my ACT scores back. They're not as high as I wanted, but they could be much worse too. So I started looking at colleges I could get into with this score. And I'm a bit surprised as to what I could get into.

So then I decided to try to pare down college choices by looking at majors. Which is a whole different ballgame. And I ended up pretty much where I started. I think....that I am going into architecture. Which means that I'll be doing A LOT of math. Yuck. I'll get over that.

So this helped, because there aren't all that many colleges that have architecture schools.

But, all these choices, all these decisions, it's going to kill me. I obsess too much about it.

I've been losing sleep over it. I'll probably have a crazy breakdown from all the pressure I put myself through.

I really look forward to a great future. I know that I won't fall flat on my face. But if I want a great future, I feel all this pressure to figure it out now. And I'm not so sure I can make all the decisions I need to. I already messed myself up in math.

Maybe college won't kill me. But there's a chance the pressure will.

People in My Life

So there are people in my life, believe it or not. And some of them are small parts of it, some larger parts. Many I've treated poorly at one time or another. Some have treated me poorly back. But the majority still seem to like me.

Honestly, I can't really understand why. There's just so many annoying aspects about me. I mean, I can annoy myself. I'm sure that there are good things too. It's just the annoying seems to outweigh the good.

Sometimes I think how calming it would be to live alone and spend my days with myself and a pet. But that's be really lonely. So I suppose that I'll just try to keep the people I have.

So, thank you to whomever is in my life for tolerating me at my best or my worst. And if you can't? Then just go away.

MJ's Death

I was actually just starting to appreciate Micheal Jackson too. It's hard to get past the surgeries and the weird behavior but I like his music just the same.

I think, being so young, I can understand how big he really was. But through all the Micheal-Jacksoness he had, there was a lot of musical talent. And it's a shame that he died so young. It is when anyone dies young and so sudden. I wish his family well.

He was great. He still is loved. He will always be a little weird.

Rest in Peace.

Late Nights

I've heard it many time before that nothing can happen after [insert time here] at night. But I adore those late nights. The time I get to myself in the wee hours of the morning are when some of my favorite books have be devoured, when sketchbooks have been finished, when crazy dreaming occurs.

The exhausted day that follows is a reminder of just how good it was. It's one of the few naughty things in my life, stealing those hours for myself.

Of all the bad decisions I've made, and absurd things I've said, I sound like a nutty person. And this entry may be additional proof, since it's after 1:30 AM.

(Andrea, I know you hate Facebook, but you're in some recent pictures if you'd like to see them, lemme know.)

Anything.

Today, I was invited by an old camp counselor of mine to an event via Facebook. Now, this event was something a little unlike most. It wasn't a birthday party or anything. But a fundraiser. Not just any old fundraiser. One involving the waxing of this man's entire body in order to raise money for him to go to some prestigious New York acting school.

I've heard of shaving half your head to raise money for charity. Or half a beard. Or even waxing a chest. An entire body is a new one for me.

Plus, he already went to a good Welsh school for acting. If he cannot get a job in it after four years...

I don't know. People will do anything sometimes.

Hi

Summer's almost here. That's awesome.

The Not Epic... but still pretty interesting ACT Test

So I took the ACT test today at CC. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, in fact, I sort of enjoyed it towards the end. Because I do, in fact enjoy standardized testing. But also because the following things happened during/after the test:

• A guy spilled water all over himself in the middle of the writing portion. That was quite funny.
• Some girl passed out in the middle of the test. I keep wondering why.
• Another one broke her leg during a break. How she did this? I'm not sure. Probably from running to the bathroom during our five minute break. (We had quite a distance to get to and back)
• The fire alarm was pulled just as we finished the last part of the test. It was a welcome exit.

And then of course I spent the rest of the day with Nathan. It was great, but my feet hurt. Oh, and I tried squid. I gagged. So, in short, I do not like squid very much. At least not squid sushi.

Awesome Saturday, alright. Now, I must go out for ice cream.

The Virginity Thing

Basically, a woman who is found to be not a virgin before marriage can be killed by her male family, as she is a disgrace to them.

Often times though, she was either raped or her hymen was torn through everyday life (running, biking, etc.).

The virginity thing: the obsession with unmarried girls staying pure, and killing or hurting them if they aren't. There are also several "techniques" to "encourage" virginity.

It's one thing to say "hey, don't have sex until you're married. It's a sacred thing." But this seems to take it a little far, don't you think?

Also:
Acid attacks
Female Genital mutilation
Infibulation

Ehh...Judging?

I've been trying to judge myself and people lately. Not, oh her shoes are so fabulous! She's got great taste! But more...what is it about this person that makes me want them in my life?

And I've come up with a range of answers. Not a lot of them fit what I was going for.

Maybe it's because people in general are annoying me lately. I'm not sure.

But I wonder how some of my relationships with people happened. Were they close by, was it a proximity thing? Did we happen to sit next to each other once in class because of mutual solitarity?

I've never been great with this social thing. People at their best can often be annoying. Psht, I know I am. Maybe it's just finding the annoying that morphs into eccentric; the kind of people that aren't annoying to you so much as endearing.

Slacking in First Block

So what do I end up doing during my first block? Not sleeping or ACT prep like I had planned. No. Instead I ended up feeling horrible for the two American journalists trapped in Korea. And then I ended up reading about human rights and feeling horrible for the women in Yemen, and in general most Arabic countries. And some African ones, etc.

It's hard for me to imagine the strength surviving abuse and imprisionment must take. I'm...kind of speechless about it actually. I mean...how can this even be happening today?

How the fuck can the age of consent law in Yemen be NINE YEARS OLD?

It's horrible. It's not right. I wish I had the power to change this.

Pickels and Faking Sick

The last half of my weekend was nice. A little boring for others to hear about, but nice. So my brother's friend Aidan and his sisters found out I have Sims 3. And they all came over and argued about who got to use it first.

And Monique and Juliette and I had fun like old times when we were smaller. Which makes me kind of miss those days. They enjoyed learning about purple carrots. Apparently I'm awesome because I can french braid hair and I have cool beads. Praise from an eleven year old makes me happy. I wish I had little sisters. Plus, I ended up french braiding Aidan's hair, which was hilarious and made me wish I took a picture.

And also, we ended up spelling pickle "pickel" because we're awesome and that's how their last name is spelled. Romeo and Juliette Pickel, what great names.

Today, I faked my migraine to be worse than it really was so that I could miss church. It just was one of those days that I couldn't face God. So I didn't. And I rode 20 miles. I got lost in my own city, one that I've lived in since birth. So now I cannot feel my legs and it's never been more awesome.

And lastly, I think I may be starting to fall in love again. That's really weird to actually be aware of it this time. It seems to be a little bit more awesome too.

So that was boring for everyone but me. I hope the world had a great weekend!

Adventures at Blimpie Burger

So today, through a random course of events, I ended up at Blimpy Burgers with Nathan and his family. For those who don't know what it is, it's basically this old burger dive in Ann Arbor. It's this really great hole in the wall place.

It's a tiny little building with a ton of people (at least on a Saturday afternoon) and you get yelled at if you order wrong. Thankfully I didn't, because I studied ahead of time. Yes, that's incredibly nerdy. But I didn't want to make a fool out of myself.

But the insanely greasy burgers are good (at least the veggie one I had), and there's nothing better than eating a ton of cholesterol between two slices of bread with little kids climbing on your chair. Nothing better. Plus it's in Ann Arbor, which is truly a magical place. Where else would it take three days to make onion rings?

The Simple Complexity of Humans

So I've been thinking about people. Not a specific person so much as the species as a whole and their relationships with one another.

People are supposed to be different for their "complexity" compared to other species. I'm not sure if scientists have that so right. Many insect and animal populations have specific socialization patterns that are literally ingrained into their genetics. Such as the bees' queen bee, worker bee, etc. pattern. This such hierarchy is set up for the survival of the colony. I can understand that.

But what about humans? Yes, we have certain chemicals and hormones letting us know the most desirable mate and that we should reproduce. But otherwise don't think there is a whole lot of natural predisposition.

Human relationships are so complex and varied, I don't believe that they can just be predetermined. Each person's interactions with others lead to different opinions of that person. There may be some primal attraction or repulsion, but at the end of the day, individual minds are victorious. Not too many people (hopefully) find their best friend or fall in love based solely on pheromones.

This is starting to sound too sciency, and way not the point. So basically, here it is. Every group of people have different reactions with one another. Within these relationships, feelings and bonds form that are much more complicated than simply hate, friendship, love, attraction, etc. People's ideas of one another often shift over time and I think that the situation the people are in and their personalities affect their relationship. Not a bunch of chemicals in their bodies.

The complexity is that we will never have enough words to accurately describe each relationship we go through in life, especially as they become more multifaceted the longer we know a person. The simplicity is that in the end, it is all just up to us.

Sims 3

So the long awaited Sims 3 has arrived. I played it for quite a while. Four hours I believe, since I kinda got distracted by it and I was home alone. It's good, but disappointing too. I'm not so sure it's worth the price. Glad I got it as a birthday present instead.

Andrea: It works just fine on Vista, that's actually one of the benefits considering my Sims 2 kept getting semi-rejected by Vista.

Emaline: I think I just built it up too much. The graphics weren't as great as I hoped, and the file size is so big. It's pretty much like Sims 2 with a couple changes.

Those Days

My grandmother was bipolar. But by the time she died, there were a host of other things wrong with her as well. Some were side effects of her meds, some were from smoking, a complusion she developed as her mental illness got worse. When she died, she wasn't much older than my parents are now. But at least she was out of her misery.

On days like today and yesterday, I worry about becoming just like her. A generally happy state with some horrible days, that's what I tend to do. If I really am like her, the up and down days might even out. Or they might get worse.

As overdramatic as it seems, I do have a higher risk of being depressed or bipolar because of my grandma. Most days I think this theory is nuts. But on the days when suicide comes into my thoughts? Yeah, I can believe it.

I'm hoping all this emotional crap is just teenage angst and hormones. I hope.
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Those days when I'm like this, all the little worries get heightened, and all I can think about is how painful they could turn out. The rational part tells me that my problems are small, and I am extremely fortunate to be where I am in the world, in my family, my house, my city, my country. Yet I still sob for the existance of those problems at night on these days.

"Oh woe is me...oh woe is me..." Weighs out the rational.
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I can't even summon up the needed excitment for Sims 3. It should be a YAY! But it's more of a meh.