So this weekend involved me crashing into people on bikes, twice. First was a ride with a friend whom I will not name because she'd be embarrassed, where she slammed into my back tire and face planted into a ton of weeds. It was actually pretty hilarious once I found out that she was okay. That's what happens when your breaks don't work and your friend in front of you doesn't tell you to stop soon enough.
The second was totally my fault. Basically I turned left when Nathan said right. This lovely error resulted in a broken reflector and a sore foot. It could have been much worse. Thank goodness he isn't a klutz like me.
These two incidents both happened on my first bike rides with them. Which confirms the fact that I probably shouldn't bike ride with others. I am so klutzy, I now bring others down with me.
Other than the crashes, this was a great weekend, it went by fast. It confirms how great summer is gonna be.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
In the Mail...
I got an envelope today addressed to me from my summer camp. It was the big packet of papers I get every year informing me of rules and recommendations that I have long since memorized.
But I began to skim them anyways, because I feel the need to see if anything as changed. Plus, it brings back these dreamy little memories...
And then it hit me. Summer is close. As in fourteen school days left close.
With summer comes a couple weeks at camp. But this year it's different. It's my last year. Half of my friends there had their last summer this previous year. Which makes me feel a bit lonely, a bit sad.
The entire camp knows my secrets of what happened there; the entire world knows some of it, since I have a big mouth.
As we count down the days, I have to remember than school is safe, I'm protected there by the innate social rules and structure that every high school seems to obey. It's at camp where the spirits are released, and all hell breaks loose.
P.S. My Sims 3 has been shipped! SQUEE!
But I began to skim them anyways, because I feel the need to see if anything as changed. Plus, it brings back these dreamy little memories...
And then it hit me. Summer is close. As in fourteen school days left close.
With summer comes a couple weeks at camp. But this year it's different. It's my last year. Half of my friends there had their last summer this previous year. Which makes me feel a bit lonely, a bit sad.
The entire camp knows my secrets of what happened there; the entire world knows some of it, since I have a big mouth.
As we count down the days, I have to remember than school is safe, I'm protected there by the innate social rules and structure that every high school seems to obey. It's at camp where the spirits are released, and all hell breaks loose.
P.S. My Sims 3 has been shipped! SQUEE!
Procrastination and Stuff
There's so much I should be doing right now. And the worst thing is that I don't care. I'll still have an A in all those classes. And it isn't as if I've learned anything in them either.
Even in math when I'm fighting getting a C, I still just don't care enough. It's recently dawned on me that I'm fully capable of getting an A in math classes if I try hard enough. Because believe it or not, I'm relatively good at math compared to the general population. I just hate it. A lot.
And ugh. This post is pointless.
And I'm freaking out. Never have I been so glad to get the week over with.
Oh, and my brother might have swine flu. This would happen to me.
Even in math when I'm fighting getting a C, I still just don't care enough. It's recently dawned on me that I'm fully capable of getting an A in math classes if I try hard enough. Because believe it or not, I'm relatively good at math compared to the general population. I just hate it. A lot.
And ugh. This post is pointless.
And I'm freaking out. Never have I been so glad to get the week over with.
Oh, and my brother might have swine flu. This would happen to me.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
I'm Curious
I've been thinking about this maybe a whole thirty seconds, but I can't help wondering what it is like in other people's heads.
Yes, there are many people that speak their thoughts. But being in their heads would be different. Knowing their memories and emotions and why they are thinking the thoughts they are.
Of course, I won't necessarily ever be able to really know what it's like. Unless reincarnation is real, and then I guess I'd still be me. So that doesn't count. But I have a theory. Perhaps if you know someone well enough, or you find someone similar enough to your own mind, you will have a pretty good reason of understanding them. Or if you just find someone who talks a hell of a lot and you pay close enough attention.
I've come close to really knowing the mind of one other person, and still there is so much I do not know. And that I probably never will. But I hope that I know at least the most important things.
Details are important too of course, but knowing why someone chooses to eat peanut butter and pickle sandwiches over peanut butter and potato chip seems slightly less important than why they want to be able to travel to space or make up with their mother. But that's just my opinion.
This is my goal before I die. To understand at least some of the great minds around me.
Yes, there are many people that speak their thoughts. But being in their heads would be different. Knowing their memories and emotions and why they are thinking the thoughts they are.
Of course, I won't necessarily ever be able to really know what it's like. Unless reincarnation is real, and then I guess I'd still be me. So that doesn't count. But I have a theory. Perhaps if you know someone well enough, or you find someone similar enough to your own mind, you will have a pretty good reason of understanding them. Or if you just find someone who talks a hell of a lot and you pay close enough attention.
I've come close to really knowing the mind of one other person, and still there is so much I do not know. And that I probably never will. But I hope that I know at least the most important things.
Details are important too of course, but knowing why someone chooses to eat peanut butter and pickle sandwiches over peanut butter and potato chip seems slightly less important than why they want to be able to travel to space or make up with their mother. But that's just my opinion.
This is my goal before I die. To understand at least some of the great minds around me.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Jódete La Gripe Porcina
The title translates to "fuck yourself, swine flu," in case you were wondering.
Today is a day for a lot of cursing, and a lot of complaining. A kid in our school has been found to have the swine flu, as of yesterday. If school gets shut down for any length of time due to "sanitizing the school" or shit like that, I'm gonna be fucking pissed. I want summer, and damn them for delaying it.
And sorry for the amount of swearing, I know it shows an uncreative and slow mind and all that stuff, but I'm mad, and forgive me for not feeling like pulling out abhorrent and homicidal and whatnot. Give me $%@$*&#$#%@!!!! Instead.
This f****** sucks.
Today is a day for a lot of cursing, and a lot of complaining. A kid in our school has been found to have the swine flu, as of yesterday. If school gets shut down for any length of time due to "sanitizing the school" or shit like that, I'm gonna be fucking pissed. I want summer, and damn them for delaying it.
And sorry for the amount of swearing, I know it shows an uncreative and slow mind and all that stuff, but I'm mad, and forgive me for not feeling like pulling out abhorrent and homicidal and whatnot. Give me $%@$*&#$#%@!!!! Instead.
This f****** sucks.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Facebook Survey on Blogger.
Because I'm just that cool.
THE LONG & UNCOMFORTABLE SURVEY
(Lets see if you can get through it.)
LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE.
Name: Michelle
Birth Date: 3/11
Current Location: the kids' room/a la funky basement thing
Hair Color: brown with pink and caramel topping. Yum!
Righty/Lefty: righty, desafortunadamente
LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.
Your fear: failure
Your dream of the perfect date:um...something fun?
Goal you'd like to achieve: not epicly fail at life. Moseby someone
Your best friend: Bam-Bam, Lyss, and Dayna
LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
Your thoughts first waking up: do I have time to go back to sleep?
Your best physical feature: eyes?
Your bed time: when I feel like it
Your most missed memory: there's many. Quebec, Grandpa, Natsuki, and camp are all up there.
LAYER 4: YOUR PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
McDonald's or Burger King: Mickey D's
Single or Group Dates: I'll let you know when I go on one?
Adidas or Nike: adidas
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: ew. neither
LAYER 5: DO YOU.
Cuss:Damn straight skippy!
Take showers: no, I just vaccum the dirt off.
Have a crush: sorta? haha
Like(d) school: Yeppers! (well, mostly)
Believe in yourself: If I keep saying yes, I'll believe it.
Believe what goes around comes around: that's karma!
Think you're a health freak: compared to Dayna. Otherwise, not really.
LAYER 6: IN THE PAST MONTH.
Gone to the mall: hahaha yes.
Been on stage: been on a stage. yeah. been on stage. no.
Eaten sushi: thank goodness, no
Been hurt: erm. I cut myself on a computer table at school. Does that count?
Dyed your hair: I glued fake hair in. That kinda counts, methinks.
LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER.
Played a stripping game: I've observed one
Got beaten up: not really. Unless you count being a klutz
Changed who you were to fit in: not really.
LAYER 8: GETTING OLD.
Age you're hoping to be married by: 31
Number of kids you're planning on having: 2-3-4
LAYER 9: IN A GIRL/GUY.
Best eye color: a pretty one
Best hair color: haha whatever works.
Short or long hair: ?
Fat or fit: fit
Looks or personality: both
Fun or serious: both
LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.
1 MINUTE AGO: shimmying
1 HOUR AGO: IMing
1 WEEK AGO: at church
1 YEAR AGO: IMing before I went to the Sawyers
LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE.
I FEEL: stupid and smiley
I HATE: your mother. and Mussolini. And Hitler wasn't a nice guy either.
I HIDE: from you!
I NEED: a date.
I LOVE: my friends!
What is a food that you'd hate to be allergic to?
strawberries
What color was the last towel you used?
purple
Would you prefer to date someone taller, shorter, or the same height as you?
taller!
When was the last time your nose bled?
a couple weeks ago
How old are you turning this year?
16. driver's license! age of consent! other things!
What is your favorite thing to snack on while watching a movie?
baby carrots or rasinets
Swimming pool or hot tub?
swimming hot tub. A rare hybrid.
What body part do you wash first in the shower?
hair
Who would you allow to read your thoughts for one day?
probably no one. God does all the time though, I suppose.
Name your last reason for using a camera?
taking pictures of a rare family party
Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed?
Allison's shoulder on the bus
What are you excited about?
summer! Japan! camp (field hockey/QB/horseback riding)!
Seven days from now, will you be in a relationship?
I'm assuming yes.
Are you a happy person?
yeppers!
When was the last time you laughed really hard & why?
Probably at the banquet today. Because Mr. Baker can be funny.
What are you wearing?
jeans. a sweater. and other things.
What do you want?
no comment
Did you enjoy your weekend?
long weekend? of course!
Do you regret anything you've done recently?
not at the moment
Is there anybody you wish you could see?
yep. yep.
How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
erm. one, two, three, four? Four, I think.
Do you think you’ll be married in 10 years?
well...possibly so. Perhaps in 15 years.
What makes you mad most about girls?
the rah-rah ones. And OHMIGOD! SHE IS SUCH A BITCH!!! That makes me mad.
Have you ever been given roses?
yep yep.
Do you even like getting flowers?
yeah. It's sweet.
What's your favorite flower?
Tiger lillies and hydrangeas are up there.
Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?
That's a good question. Um? Ask me in three months. Possibly.
Does it bother you when your friends bring up your past mistakes?
nope. I can always blackmail them with photos.
Could you go out in public looking like you do now?
I just did. Do I really look that bad?
Can you be your complete self around the person you like?
Well. I may scare him, but he keeps coming back, so I suppose.
Whose the first person you texted today?
I didn't text anyone today.
Would you move to another state to be with the person you loved?
Yes.
What are you doing tomorrow?
school, sleep, and watching movies since I get the house to myself.
Is it easy for others to make you feel intimidated?
Not too much.
Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Yeah. I wanna live all the fun stuff to pieces.
Do you think you would make a good wife/husband?
I wouldn't be a good husband. I am not a male.
What's your favorite kind of ice cream?
Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
Do you like summer?
YES!
Do you fall for people easily?
maybe too easily.
Have you ever dated someone more than once?
mhm. shhh...
Who have you texted in the last 24 hours?
no one?
Do you have freckles?
I wish I had more.
Do you sleep at night?
night. afternoons. during school.
THE LONG & UNCOMFORTABLE SURVEY
(Lets see if you can get through it.)
LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE.
Name: Michelle
Birth Date: 3/11
Current Location: the kids' room/a la funky basement thing
Hair Color: brown with pink and caramel topping. Yum!
Righty/Lefty: righty, desafortunadamente
LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.
Your fear: failure
Your dream of the perfect date:um...something fun?
Goal you'd like to achieve: not epicly fail at life. Moseby someone
Your best friend: Bam-Bam, Lyss, and Dayna
LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
Your thoughts first waking up: do I have time to go back to sleep?
Your best physical feature: eyes?
Your bed time: when I feel like it
Your most missed memory: there's many. Quebec, Grandpa, Natsuki, and camp are all up there.
LAYER 4: YOUR PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
McDonald's or Burger King: Mickey D's
Single or Group Dates: I'll let you know when I go on one?
Adidas or Nike: adidas
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: ew. neither
LAYER 5: DO YOU.
Cuss:Damn straight skippy!
Take showers: no, I just vaccum the dirt off.
Have a crush: sorta? haha
Like(d) school: Yeppers! (well, mostly)
Believe in yourself: If I keep saying yes, I'll believe it.
Believe what goes around comes around: that's karma!
Think you're a health freak: compared to Dayna. Otherwise, not really.
LAYER 6: IN THE PAST MONTH.
Gone to the mall: hahaha yes.
Been on stage: been on a stage. yeah. been on stage. no.
Eaten sushi: thank goodness, no
Been hurt: erm. I cut myself on a computer table at school. Does that count?
Dyed your hair: I glued fake hair in. That kinda counts, methinks.
LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER.
Played a stripping game: I've observed one
Got beaten up: not really. Unless you count being a klutz
Changed who you were to fit in: not really.
LAYER 8: GETTING OLD.
Age you're hoping to be married by: 31
Number of kids you're planning on having: 2-3-4
LAYER 9: IN A GIRL/GUY.
Best eye color: a pretty one
Best hair color: haha whatever works.
Short or long hair: ?
Fat or fit: fit
Looks or personality: both
Fun or serious: both
LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.
1 MINUTE AGO: shimmying
1 HOUR AGO: IMing
1 WEEK AGO: at church
1 YEAR AGO: IMing before I went to the Sawyers
LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE.
I FEEL: stupid and smiley
I HATE: your mother. and Mussolini. And Hitler wasn't a nice guy either.
I HIDE: from you!
I NEED: a date.
I LOVE: my friends!
What is a food that you'd hate to be allergic to?
strawberries
What color was the last towel you used?
purple
Would you prefer to date someone taller, shorter, or the same height as you?
taller!
When was the last time your nose bled?
a couple weeks ago
How old are you turning this year?
16. driver's license! age of consent! other things!
What is your favorite thing to snack on while watching a movie?
baby carrots or rasinets
Swimming pool or hot tub?
swimming hot tub. A rare hybrid.
What body part do you wash first in the shower?
hair
Who would you allow to read your thoughts for one day?
probably no one. God does all the time though, I suppose.
Name your last reason for using a camera?
taking pictures of a rare family party
Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed?
Allison's shoulder on the bus
What are you excited about?
summer! Japan! camp (field hockey/QB/horseback riding)!
Seven days from now, will you be in a relationship?
I'm assuming yes.
Are you a happy person?
yeppers!
When was the last time you laughed really hard & why?
Probably at the banquet today. Because Mr. Baker can be funny.
What are you wearing?
jeans. a sweater. and other things.
What do you want?
no comment
Did you enjoy your weekend?
long weekend? of course!
Do you regret anything you've done recently?
not at the moment
Is there anybody you wish you could see?
yep. yep.
How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
erm. one, two, three, four? Four, I think.
Do you think you’ll be married in 10 years?
well...possibly so. Perhaps in 15 years.
What makes you mad most about girls?
the rah-rah ones. And OHMIGOD! SHE IS SUCH A BITCH!!! That makes me mad.
Have you ever been given roses?
yep yep.
Do you even like getting flowers?
yeah. It's sweet.
What's your favorite flower?
Tiger lillies and hydrangeas are up there.
Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?
That's a good question. Um? Ask me in three months. Possibly.
Does it bother you when your friends bring up your past mistakes?
nope. I can always blackmail them with photos.
Could you go out in public looking like you do now?
I just did. Do I really look that bad?
Can you be your complete self around the person you like?
Well. I may scare him, but he keeps coming back, so I suppose.
Whose the first person you texted today?
I didn't text anyone today.
Would you move to another state to be with the person you loved?
Yes.
What are you doing tomorrow?
school, sleep, and watching movies since I get the house to myself.
Is it easy for others to make you feel intimidated?
Not too much.
Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Yeah. I wanna live all the fun stuff to pieces.
Do you think you would make a good wife/husband?
I wouldn't be a good husband. I am not a male.
What's your favorite kind of ice cream?
Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
Do you like summer?
YES!
Do you fall for people easily?
maybe too easily.
Have you ever dated someone more than once?
mhm. shhh...
Who have you texted in the last 24 hours?
no one?
Do you have freckles?
I wish I had more.
Do you sleep at night?
night. afternoons. during school.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Those People
There are some people in your life that I believe are in it for a reason. They aren't always the most predominantly featured, and sometimes they leave it, but regardless they have affected you in some way.
I have met some people once, but still think of them on occasion. People that come up in my thoughts more so than some people I see everyday.
And there have been many people that have changed me, or my views on something. But, I trust them and respect what they think, so I think that it's okay.
For all the people that have shaped me, and let me say there really aren't more than a handful, thank you. I like who I am.
I have met some people once, but still think of them on occasion. People that come up in my thoughts more so than some people I see everyday.
And there have been many people that have changed me, or my views on something. But, I trust them and respect what they think, so I think that it's okay.
For all the people that have shaped me, and let me say there really aren't more than a handful, thank you. I like who I am.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
This Long Weekend
This weekend marks the unofficial beginning of summer, but I'm pretty sure it started long ago to many people, just like myself.
And I say a lot that this summer holds possibilities. This weekend does too. And I've already mentioned many of them.
But with my pink streaked, powerwashing self attempts putt-putt and reunits with family members this weekend, I hope everyone has a good one. Because I hope to.
Some of this weekend may impact parts of my life forever. Let's hope it's not that damn dramatic.
Happy Memorial Weekend/Start of Summer!
And I say a lot that this summer holds possibilities. This weekend does too. And I've already mentioned many of them.
But with my pink streaked, powerwashing self attempts putt-putt and reunits with family members this weekend, I hope everyone has a good one. Because I hope to.
Some of this weekend may impact parts of my life forever. Let's hope it's not that damn dramatic.
Happy Memorial Weekend/Start of Summer!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
I'm Proud of You
I'm proud of my father. He recently got roped into being videotaped for a course he is the creator of. It means driving hours to the filming site, learning how to use a teleprompter, and a lot of practice. But instead of bitching about it like I would, he's taking it in stride. Yes, he's been stressed and nervous all week, but it made him work harder at it.
I wish I had his work ethic. I inherited everything else from him. The tan forearms, the man legs, the liberal values, the predisposition to writing.
I'd like to not be so lazy. Sure, I could develop my own work ethic, but...that requires work.
So, I'm proud of you Dad. Workaholic or not, no one can say you're lazy. Unless it comes to housework, but that's a different story.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
May I just take this moment to admit that I have some sense of emotion back, and my delightfully irritating happiness back? This calls for a YAY!
I wish I had his work ethic. I inherited everything else from him. The tan forearms, the man legs, the liberal values, the predisposition to writing.
I'd like to not be so lazy. Sure, I could develop my own work ethic, but...that requires work.
So, I'm proud of you Dad. Workaholic or not, no one can say you're lazy. Unless it comes to housework, but that's a different story.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
May I just take this moment to admit that I have some sense of emotion back, and my delightfully irritating happiness back? This calls for a YAY!
Saturday, May 16, 2009
I Hate This Part Right Here...
Yes, I stole the title from a PCD song. And I hate them. But it seemed fitting.
Life right now is swinging in pendulum. And I hate it. There's not really anything I can do to change anything right now. I just have to be patient and wait for the weekend to be over. But I don't want it to end.
This week means facing problems. Things that haven't come up for more than four years. It means a lot of housework. It means even more teenage angst.
I don't want to deal with my:
How the hell can I be Obamaish if nothing in my life can be changed?
Life right now is swinging in pendulum. And I hate it. There's not really anything I can do to change anything right now. I just have to be patient and wait for the weekend to be over. But I don't want it to end.
This week means facing problems. Things that haven't come up for more than four years. It means a lot of housework. It means even more teenage angst.
I don't want to deal with my:
- telenovela
- uncle
- crazy relationship with my ex
- odd relationship with my current whatever.
How the hell can I be Obamaish if nothing in my life can be changed?
Survey Time!
pretty clothes, not being called "gay" for being myself, not being a homophobe, ponytails, best friends, field hockey, etc.
No,I don't even think I'd get a tattoo
um...?
No. Never.
Beer.
Yep!
No comment.
erm. sorta. Not really.
"As you wish"
on occasion
mostly
either call the cops or hit the guy, depending on if I could take him. And yell a lot.
I've made a couple bets. Nothing over 10 bucks.
Atlas. Roberta. Bertha.
The Spaghetti Factory in Montreal, Banff, and Boston
Yep.
Donate them or use as cleaning rags.
Penn Station Subs
C
erm. I'm not sure. Would someone care to stalk me and see?
Of course not.
Girls' Life. Sad, I know.
Artists, yes. Music, on occasion.
Victorian
If I got something really good out of it.
A dark purple that basically looks black.
Normally I read the book first.
Yes.
iTunes
Sometimes. Or sleep, or eat, or go on the computer.
No.
Absolutely.
Kill me. Then bring me back to life to yell at me.
Thank goodness, no.
Family Guy.
Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging. No, I am not lying.
Yep.
My...gallbladder. Or appendix.
Blogthings-Because I am Far too Bored
You Are an Alien |
 You're so strange, people occasionally wonder if you're from another world. You don't try to be different, but you see most things from a very unique, very offbeat perspective. Brilliant to the point of genius, you definitely have some advanced intelligence going on. No matter what circles you travel in, you always feel like a stranger. And it's a feeling you've learned to like. Your greatest power: Your superhuman brain Your greatest weakness: Your lack of empathy - you just don't get humans You play well with: Zombies |
Your Socks Say You're Charming |
 You Are: - Infinitely enchanting - Simply amazing - An incredible person - A true star |
You Are 80% Open Minded |
 You are so open minded that your brain may have fallen out! Well, not really. But you may be confused on where you stand. You don't have a judgmental bone in your body, and you're very accepting. You enjoy the best of every life philosophy, even if you sometimes contradict yourself. |
You Are Romanticism |
 You are likely to see the world as it should be, not as it is. You prefer to celebrate the great things people do... not the horrors they're capable of. For you, there is nothing more inspiring than a great hero. You believe that great art reflects the artist's imagination and true ideals. |
You Are 83% Creative |
 You are an incredibly creative person. For you, there are no bounds or limits to your creativity. Your next creation could be something very great... Or at least very cool! |
Friday, May 15, 2009
Summer
Summer is really, really close. Not that close, I suppose. But it feels like it. I can convince myself it is summer. I plan on living like it is whenever I'm not in school. And yes, that means doing no homework.
Summer is scary this year. I hope any bad that happens this year is worth it from last summer's awesomeness.
Summer is scary this year. I hope any bad that happens this year is worth it from last summer's awesomeness.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Those Dancers I Used to Know
It's weird to look at pictures on Facebook. I was looking at some pictures of my old dance people. And it's weird. Wow...I used to know them. They look so much older now. Even the little ones are growing up. It makes me miss it, but at the same time, it's good to know that things move on in the world. Sometimes it's just without you.
I think I'm gonna join a dance class again.
I think I'm gonna join a dance class again.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Dr. Horribly Awesome!
Watch Dr. Horrible if you haven't already. I will marry Neil Patrick Harris one day. Even though he's gay, we'll work something out. He's awesome.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
We Are Family. I Got All My Sisters and Me....
With the tides, seems to come change. In my case, it brings family members back that strayed from the Family (sorry, I'm still in Godfather mode). In a matter of days, I will be meeting an aunt I haven't been in proximity with since I was 16 months. Another uncle I will be seeing that I haven't laid eyes on since 6th grade.
I can be excited about this. But in the same time, it worries me. This uncle brings his own set of troubles to the table, ones that I do not want to hear about. There was a reason he was banished for four years. Others can forgive and forget, but I cannot. This man has made far too many "mistakes" and bad judgment in his life.
The aunt though, I welcome. She has been off raising her grandson because her daughter is incompetent. I admire this woman for this and other struggles she has been through, even though I have never met her.
I may be hasty, but I know from experience that some people harm, others help. It isn't often that people change these roles.
I hope I'm wrong.
I can be excited about this. But in the same time, it worries me. This uncle brings his own set of troubles to the table, ones that I do not want to hear about. There was a reason he was banished for four years. Others can forgive and forget, but I cannot. This man has made far too many "mistakes" and bad judgment in his life.
The aunt though, I welcome. She has been off raising her grandson because her daughter is incompetent. I admire this woman for this and other struggles she has been through, even though I have never met her.
I may be hasty, but I know from experience that some people harm, others help. It isn't often that people change these roles.
I hope I'm wrong.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Real Strength
She looks to the sky
Sees that face
Wonder why it won't go away?
Months and months
But it's here to stay
Amidst the bumble of life
They say to move on
You need to fight the strife
That it takes strength
It's harder to remain in the trenches
For any length
Feet planted strong
Wondering when it is over
How long
Until this conflict is done?
Sees that face
Wonder why it won't go away?
Months and months
But it's here to stay
Amidst the bumble of life
They say to move on
You need to fight the strife
That it takes strength
It's harder to remain in the trenches
For any length
Feet planted strong
Wondering when it is over
How long
Until this conflict is done?
The Women's Movement is Over
I've been told that the days for feminism are long since past. Take a look people! Damn that sucks. It makes me so mad. How in this day and age can people still be sexist and racist still? People are ridiculous. Let's kill them all. That is most definitely the answer.
So...Biggest Reason?
When I was on the date, I didn't see his face the whole time. I saw someone else's. He Who Must Not Be Named. That is why I can't, in fact, date Nate.
That is the last blog entry in which either get mentioned. Farewell you two!
That is the last blog entry in which either get mentioned. Farewell you two!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
I'm Scared
I clearly have this boy's affections, yet he doesn't know how to express them well. And if I really do not share them...I am only concerned for his heart. I care...but only because I don't want to hurt him. That is my only concern. Not awkwardness for the next year or my own feelings. But his. So perhaps I do like him a little? Or maybe it's just that odd motherly feeling...
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Um...Bunch of Random Stuff...and CAKE!
- I am currently making a raspberry torte (cake) for Mother's Day. It's damn good.
- I am currently looking on at pictures on Facebook. I have found my favorite made up name so far. By favorite, I mean stupidest. It is Supr'Swagg Silli Willi. What a name. Better than Atlas, that's for sure.
- I love the raspberry frosting for the cake. If I'm not careful, I may eat it all.
- I am in desperate need of my best friends' advice. My own emotions, or lack or emotions are driving me nuts.
- This cake is taking way too long to cool.
- I wish I could try some cake right now.
- It's not fair that I have to wait until tomorrow.
- I may not blog tomorrow, or in case I forget, Happy Mothers' Day Everyone!
- I really should be doing ACT prep right now.
- Ugh to the above
- I'm liking this thing of using so many bullet points.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Hmm...Am I a Trekkie?
So I went on a date. Saw the new Star Trek movie on said date. And it wasn't all that bad (both the film and the date). I had fun. Would've been better if it wasn't for the awkwardness on sharing an armrest...
But will I become a Trekkie anytime soon? It's pretty doubtful. Next date (assuming there is one) is putt putt or bowling or some non-movie activity. Or a non-boy movie. A girl or gender neutral one is preferable. Lesson learned here: movies are kinda awkward first date activities. DO NOT ATTEMPT IN FUTURE!!
Speaking of dating, I seem to have a problem. Which is a reoccurring problem. I've oftentimes encouraged numbness upon myself instead of feelings. In this way, I suppose I am like the Vulcans (Star Trek reference).
This is my so called "coping mechanism" for grieving, heartbreak, sadness, etc. It works well once it is in place. Problem is, that it has a tendency to stay in place.
Therefore, I do not quite understand what I feel for this boy. And from experience, I know it's gonna take me a while to comprehend them past my shield. Which may be good. Or it may mean that I am leading on a boy for several weeks before I process. I suppose this is why I always do the dumping in relationships. Damn.
But will I become a Trekkie anytime soon? It's pretty doubtful. Next date (assuming there is one) is putt putt or bowling or some non-movie activity. Or a non-boy movie. A girl or gender neutral one is preferable. Lesson learned here: movies are kinda awkward first date activities. DO NOT ATTEMPT IN FUTURE!!
Speaking of dating, I seem to have a problem. Which is a reoccurring problem. I've oftentimes encouraged numbness upon myself instead of feelings. In this way, I suppose I am like the Vulcans (Star Trek reference).
This is my so called "coping mechanism" for grieving, heartbreak, sadness, etc. It works well once it is in place. Problem is, that it has a tendency to stay in place.
Therefore, I do not quite understand what I feel for this boy. And from experience, I know it's gonna take me a while to comprehend them past my shield. Which may be good. Or it may mean that I am leading on a boy for several weeks before I process. I suppose this is why I always do the dumping in relationships. Damn.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Eminem
I really don't understand the appeal of rap. But I've always had a thing for the songs that have the pretty choruses contrasted with the rap. Mostly, I just like the choruses. But, I've always had a weird appreciation for Eminem. Dunno why. Especially since the song I'm listening to keeps asking me "who's got the rubbers?" But I choose not to analyze my music choices.
They're pretty messed up.
I can never figure out why I like a song or not. Sometimes I don't even know if I like something or not. I just buy it, and listen to it over and over until I like it.
Some songs I just like because of my associations with them. It's hard to tell.
Some songs I just like because there's a little lyric or beat I like. And I listen to that 10 second part over and over. That's it.
But I'm flexible. Give me anything but rap and folk music, and I'm good to go.
I find the best in everything, even if it kills me. That's why I normally listen to songs/artists I once hated.
They're pretty messed up.
I can never figure out why I like a song or not. Sometimes I don't even know if I like something or not. I just buy it, and listen to it over and over until I like it.
Some songs I just like because of my associations with them. It's hard to tell.
Some songs I just like because there's a little lyric or beat I like. And I listen to that 10 second part over and over. That's it.
But I'm flexible. Give me anything but rap and folk music, and I'm good to go.
I find the best in everything, even if it kills me. That's why I normally listen to songs/artists I once hated.
Waiting
All this week, I've been impaitent with waiting for something. Something that I've realized may or not actually happen. And I don't think I care anymore. Because I've decided to stop waiting.
Last year, I spent months counting down, impatiently waiting. What happened was worth the wait. But the biggest thing I regret is spending my life like that. To be so focused on the future, instead of enjoying the present makes you miss a lot of stuff. I'm not sure how much I enjoyed my life as a whole, because I was so concentrated on one thing.
This semester was meant to be a break for me before two torturous years of APs. And it was wonderful. Because it hasn't just been a break so far. I like my life right now. I'm enjoying my classes, better relationships with my friends, more time for myself. I'm not waiting anymore. The school year has morphed from a flat tire to the gasoline that keeps me going.
I'm the happiest I've been in a long time. Annoyingly happy to some people.
All I have to say: you leave me alone, because I don't want you anymore. You're annoying as hell.
Last year, I spent months counting down, impatiently waiting. What happened was worth the wait. But the biggest thing I regret is spending my life like that. To be so focused on the future, instead of enjoying the present makes you miss a lot of stuff. I'm not sure how much I enjoyed my life as a whole, because I was so concentrated on one thing.
This semester was meant to be a break for me before two torturous years of APs. And it was wonderful. Because it hasn't just been a break so far. I like my life right now. I'm enjoying my classes, better relationships with my friends, more time for myself. I'm not waiting anymore. The school year has morphed from a flat tire to the gasoline that keeps me going.
I'm the happiest I've been in a long time. Annoyingly happy to some people.
All I have to say: you leave me alone, because I don't want you anymore. You're annoying as hell.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
The Future That is All Planned Out
I admit that there are some variables, because in all honesty I don't know if I'm going to get into where I want to go, so there are things with a few choices here.
High School: Avoid failing classes, take APs related to career choice, plan for and take both the SAT and ACT as many times as needed (within limits).
Tour most of colleges on list. (Because ten different campuses seems like too much)
Don't do anything dumb like get pregnant or MIP.
Undergraduate College: Assuming I get into either U of M/Northwestern, I'll go there. If not, Loyola or Kalamazoo. There's about a 75% chance I'll double major in History Education and Spanish. But, I may just get a minor, depends on how much work it actually is. The backup plan is Architecture, since both U of M and Northwestern have good artictechture and education schools. Ditto on the pregnant and arrested.
Job: I like Washington D.C., Seattle, and Chicago as all potential areas to move to. The Washington D.C. suburbs should still be in need of teachers eight or so years from now. If the architecture thing goes instead, Seattle is more likely that Chicago. I prefer it.
Graduate School: Orginally, the plan was to begin the Master's directly after finishing undergraduate. But I suppose I may be burned out by then. So I'll settle for having it done by 28. The graduate school I attend depends on where I'm currently living. If Chicago, I'll probably go to the University of Chicago. I haven't quite figured out the other two since I'm more focused on deciding on a certain undergraduate school.
Marriage: I'm assuming that I'll marry. Unless I become a lesbian or something. But I refuse to get married until I'm already attending graduate school. Preferably after I graduate. So 30 to 35 sounds good to me.
Doctoral School: Again, not positive where I'm attending here. But there's wonderful colleges all over the country. Preferably not in the South at all. This I'm hoping to be near finished with before I have kids. So by my mid 30s.
Children: I want a daughter. Perhaps a son. I want 2-3, preferably no half children or something. Birth defects are sad and I hope my child doesn't go through that. But I haven't decided where I want to adopt from yet. Because at least one of my children will be adopted.
There. I think that's the majority of it.
High School: Avoid failing classes, take APs related to career choice, plan for and take both the SAT and ACT as many times as needed (within limits).
Tour most of colleges on list. (Because ten different campuses seems like too much)
Don't do anything dumb like get pregnant or MIP.
Undergraduate College: Assuming I get into either U of M/Northwestern, I'll go there. If not, Loyola or Kalamazoo. There's about a 75% chance I'll double major in History Education and Spanish. But, I may just get a minor, depends on how much work it actually is. The backup plan is Architecture, since both U of M and Northwestern have good artictechture and education schools. Ditto on the pregnant and arrested.
Job: I like Washington D.C., Seattle, and Chicago as all potential areas to move to. The Washington D.C. suburbs should still be in need of teachers eight or so years from now. If the architecture thing goes instead, Seattle is more likely that Chicago. I prefer it.
Graduate School: Orginally, the plan was to begin the Master's directly after finishing undergraduate. But I suppose I may be burned out by then. So I'll settle for having it done by 28. The graduate school I attend depends on where I'm currently living. If Chicago, I'll probably go to the University of Chicago. I haven't quite figured out the other two since I'm more focused on deciding on a certain undergraduate school.
Marriage: I'm assuming that I'll marry. Unless I become a lesbian or something. But I refuse to get married until I'm already attending graduate school. Preferably after I graduate. So 30 to 35 sounds good to me.
Doctoral School: Again, not positive where I'm attending here. But there's wonderful colleges all over the country. Preferably not in the South at all. This I'm hoping to be near finished with before I have kids. So by my mid 30s.
Children: I want a daughter. Perhaps a son. I want 2-3, preferably no half children or something. Birth defects are sad and I hope my child doesn't go through that. But I haven't decided where I want to adopt from yet. Because at least one of my children will be adopted.
There. I think that's the majority of it.
Friday, May 1, 2009
For Now it is Time to Rant Part Deux
This is just a random thing since I'm listening to Panic At the Disco anyways...They're why this blog is called Pretty. Odd. Luna. Their second mainstream album is called Pretty. Odd. So I just added the Luna part. Since I find myself to be pretty odd at times. Plus, I've raised myself on them. Kinda.
The main point of this...life seems long right now. We had Mr. Schoff talk to us in Civics about planning our lives and yada yada. He asked us where we want to be in 10 years, and how we get there. I already know. That's my problem. I've had too much time to obsess over everything. I have even come up with guidelines for myself about obsessing.
But another thing that needs mentioning is that an astonishing half of the class wants to go to U of M. Many of them want to become doctors. I can't see it happening. Maybe they really haven't done their research yet, I'm not sure. All I really know is that I can pretty much figure out which of them have an actual chance. And it's not that they aren't smart enough. But they don't care enough. The fucking apathetic youth of today really don't know what they're in for. And it's not everyone. But it's a lot. And I'm terrified for them. I scared for myself. I'm frightened of what the world will look like in 40 years. But most of all...they scare me.
But back to the long life thing. So many things have happened to me that seem big. They aren't to others, but to me they've changed my life. And I never expected that they'd happen. It makes me happy how fortunate I am. But someone famous once said this, and I cannot remember who but "Humans can never be truly happy, for they are always in want of more." I just wish that wasn't true. But it most definitely is for me.
So in attempts to make it untrue (or false as some people call it) I am going to lie to myself. Because under my guidelines of obsessions, there is a rule about lying to yourself. You do it enough, and eventually you believe it. Just like in 1984.
The main point of this...life seems long right now. We had Mr. Schoff talk to us in Civics about planning our lives and yada yada. He asked us where we want to be in 10 years, and how we get there. I already know. That's my problem. I've had too much time to obsess over everything. I have even come up with guidelines for myself about obsessing.
But another thing that needs mentioning is that an astonishing half of the class wants to go to U of M. Many of them want to become doctors. I can't see it happening. Maybe they really haven't done their research yet, I'm not sure. All I really know is that I can pretty much figure out which of them have an actual chance. And it's not that they aren't smart enough. But they don't care enough. The fucking apathetic youth of today really don't know what they're in for. And it's not everyone. But it's a lot. And I'm terrified for them. I scared for myself. I'm frightened of what the world will look like in 40 years. But most of all...they scare me.
But back to the long life thing. So many things have happened to me that seem big. They aren't to others, but to me they've changed my life. And I never expected that they'd happen. It makes me happy how fortunate I am. But someone famous once said this, and I cannot remember who but "Humans can never be truly happy, for they are always in want of more." I just wish that wasn't true. But it most definitely is for me.
So in attempts to make it untrue (or false as some people call it) I am going to lie to myself. Because under my guidelines of obsessions, there is a rule about lying to yourself. You do it enough, and eventually you believe it. Just like in 1984.
For This is the Time To Rant
Often when I have wonderful days, I am exhausted by the end of them. Perhaps this is a sign of a good day? I'm not sure. Maybe all the being productive and socializing with people does that. But thinking about it, it makes me wonder why I want to veg out so much instead of having this great days all the time. But then again, if I had them everyday, they wouldn't seem so great, just typical. Perhaps I'm just resting up during all the days between great days. Because they're so cool. Who knows? That paragraph didn't make much sense.
I am currently facepainted, compliments of the lovely Bianka Rose Atlas Emaline etc... It's pretty, I like it. I wish I could wear it to the track meet I'm attending tomorrow. Maybe it'll distract some of the runners so that Novi wins!
Okay, I'm getting too distracted here. I need a new post.
I am currently facepainted, compliments of the lovely Bianka Rose Atlas Emaline etc... It's pretty, I like it. I wish I could wear it to the track meet I'm attending tomorrow. Maybe it'll distract some of the runners so that Novi wins!
Okay, I'm getting too distracted here. I need a new post.
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